I've always wanted to be a cat. Warm and domesticated when you want to be, wild when you don't. Jenny Downham More Quotes by Jenny Downham More Quotes From Jenny Downham If I learnt anything at all about terminal illness in my research, it's that the experience is different for everyone. I do believe that life becomes concentrated when it's boundaried and that death is the biggest boundary of all. Jenny Downham different research believe It's really going to happen. I really won't ever go back to school. Not ever. I'll never be famous or leave anything worthwhile behind. I'll never go to college or have a job. I won't see my brother grow up. I won't travel, never earn money, never drive, never fall in love or leave home or get my own house. It's really, really true. A thought stabs up, growing from my toes and ripping through me, until it stifles everything else and becomes the only thing I'm thinking. It fills me up like a silent scream. Jenny Downham falling-in-love brother jobs I shrug him off. 'Can't you just go away?" There's a moment. It has a sound in it, as if something very small got broken. Jenny Downham going-away broken sound Every few years we disappear, Zoey. All our cells are replaced by others. Not a single bit of me is the same as when I was last in this room. Jenny Downham lasts cells years I'm here, Tess. I'm right here, holding your hand. Adam's here, too, he's sitting on the other side of the bed. And Cal. Mum's on her way, she'll be just a minute. We all love you, Tessa. We're all right here with you. Jenny Downham bed love-you hands I said I wouldn't leave her. Jenny Downham said Instructions for Adam Look after no one except yourself. Go to university and make lots of friends and get drunk. Forget your door keyes. Laugh. Eat pot-noodles for breakfast. Miss lectures. Be irresponsible. Jenny Downham drunk doors laughing Dad, you played rounders with me, even though you hated it and wished I'd take up cricket. You learned how to keep a stamp collecion because I wanted to know. For hours you sat in hospitals and never, not once, complained. You brushed my hair like a mother should. You gave up work for me, friends for me, four years of your life for me. You never moaned. Hardly ever. You let me have Adam. You let me have my list. I was outrageous. Wanting, wanting so much. And you never said, 'That's enough. Stop now. Jenny Downham dad mother hair I love you. It hurts more than anything ever has, but I do. So don't you dare tell me I don't. Don't you ever say it again! Jenny Downham dare hurt love-you I want the people I love to get up and speak about me, and even if you cry it'll be OK. I want you to say honest things. Jenny Downham honest want people Keep breathing. Just keep doing it. It's easy. In and out. Jenny Downham breathing breathe easy I can see inside planes!' he yells. 'Come and look!' It's difficult climbing in a mini dress...I haul myself up even though my arms ache. I want to see inside planes too. I want to watch the wind and catch birds in my fist. Jenny Downham climbing bird wind She'll understand what I already know - that death surrounds us all. And it tastes like metal between your teeth. Jenny Downham metals teeth taste Adam strokes my head, my face, he kisses my tears. We are blessed. Let them all go. The sound of a bird flying low across the garden. Then nothing. Nothing. A cloud passes. Nothing again. Light falls through the window, falls onto me, into me. Moments. All gathering towards this one. Jenny Downham kissing blessed fall The inside of the door is glossy white. A total re-paint. I touch it with my fingers, but it stays the same. It's so bright it makes the room waver at the edges. Every few years we disappear. Jenny Downham white doors years I made a fatal error thinking he could save me. Jenny Downham errors made thinking Her face crashes. She hasn't dealt with a single transfusion or lumbar puncture. She wasn't allowed near me for the bone-marrow transplant, but she could have been there for any number of diagnoses, and wasn't. Even her promises to visit more often have faded away with Christmas. It's her turn to taste some reality. Jenny Downham numbers reality promise The shops in High Street still have their metal grilles down, blank-eyed and sleeping. My name is scrawled across them all. I'm outside Ajay's newsagent's. I'm on the expensive shutters of the health food store. I'm massive on Handie's furniture shop, King's Chicken Joint and the Barbecue Cafe. I thread the pavement outside the bank and all the way to Mothercare. I've possessed the road and am a glistening circle at the roundabout. Jenny Downham circles kings sleep I feel something very small growing inside me as I look at her, and I realize in one absolutely clear moment that I don't like her at all. 'You know what?' I say. 'Forget it. I'll do the list by myself.' She stands up, swings her stupid hair about and tries to look offended. It's a trick that works with guys, but it makes no difference to the way I feel about her. Jenny Downham swings stupid hair And now he's down this for me. He's made me famous. He's put my name on the world. Jenny Downham names made world
