I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work. Louis C. K. More Quotes by Louis C. K. More Quotes From Louis C. K. My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core! Louis C. K. thanks math kids The part that's difficult is being single, at 41, after 10 years of marriage and two kids. That's like having a bunch of money in a currency of a country that doesn't exist anymore. Louis C. K. being-single country kids Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic because you transform reality for people. Louis C. K. lying reality people Here's how my brain works: It's stupidity, followed by self-hatred, and then further analysis. Louis C. K. stupidity hatred self Maybe God is an asshole...of course not, he's not an asshole, he's imaginary. Louis C. K. imaginary courses Dating is horrible, it's awful. I don't get it. It's like you're standing there: 'Hi. Do you want to have sex and later wish you hadn't?' It's horrible. And it's awkward at 42 because I don't have the body or the drive. I just sit in the car and hope somebody gets in. Louis C. K. dating car sex I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women. Louis C. K. women men thinking Every year white people add 100 years to how long ago slavery was. I've heard educated white people say, 'slavery was 400 years ago.' No it very wasn't. It was 140 years ago...that's two 70-year-old ladies living and dying back to back. That's how recently you could buy a guy. Louis C. K. long-ago two years People say, 'My phone sucks.' No, it doesn’t! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone. Louis C. K. phones people thinking Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two. Louis C. K. funny two people I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at. Louis C. K. failure trying thinking I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body. Louis C. K. body laughing thinking I just don't trust any of it. Every time I read something about how there's been another ridiculous climb of the Dow Jones, there's a part of me that goes, “This can't be good.” None of this is real money. You know what I mean? It's not like there's actually more of anything. It's just ideas. When people are getting richer and richer but they're not actually producing anything, it can't end well. Louis C. K. real mean thinking I killed my Facebook page years ago because time clicking around is just dead time. Your brain isn't resting and it isn't doing. I think people have to get their heads around this thing. All this unmitigated input is hurting folks. Louis C. K. hurt years thinking I'm a good citizen. I'm a good father. I recycle and I masturbate. Louis C. K. good-father citizens father Bill Gates has 90 billion dollars ... If I had 90 billion dollars, I wouldn't have it for long because I would just dream of all the crazy stuff I could do with it. This guy, 90 billion dollars. He could buy every baseball team and make them all wear dresses and still have 88 billion dollars. Louis C. K. team baseball dream Human kindness has no reward. You should give to others in every way you see. expect absolutely nothing from anyone. It should be your goal to love every human you encounter. All human suffering that you're aware of and continues without your effort to stop it becomes your crime. Louis C. K. kindness inspirational love [about being a father] I don't really remember what it was like before. Whatever I had going on, it was bullshit. It wasn't important. It's kind of a nice thing about being a dad. My identity is really about them now, and what I can do for them, so it sort of takes the pressure off of your own life. What am I going to do, who am I? Who cares, you've got to get your kids to school. So I like it that way. Louis C. K. dad nice school The last jobs I had were fixing cars and covering football games for a local access tv station. As in driving the mobile van to the field, setting up 3 cameras, teaching depressed grownups and interns how to use them and directing the game from the van and then wanting to kill myself. Louis C. K. teaching jobs football One time I was at a swimming pool with my kids, a public pool. I had my daughter, my six year old, on my arm like this. She was like clamped on, and she's kicking. ... And then she got off and another random child just clamped on. It's like a rat. "Get off of me." "But I love you." "I don't know you, kid." Louis C. K. daughter funny children
