I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies. Brian Posehn More Quotes by Brian Posehn More Quotes From Brian Posehn I do think certain kinds of music can make you violent. Like, when I listen to Nickelback, it makes me want to kill Nickelback. Brian Posehn kind want thinking I've been trying to quit smoking weed and it's really hard quitting pot. It was actually easier to become a vegetarian because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of beef. Brian Posehn weed smoking house If I see a beautiful woman walking down the street, a pretty lady, I'll yell, 'Homo!' She can't get pissed, and I still get the pleasure of yelling at her. Brian Posehn yelling pleasure beautiful We had our family tree done... turns out I'm a quarter gay on my father's side. Brian Posehn family gay father Because I go outside sometimes, I'm exposed to terrible, terrible music in public. Brian Posehn exposed terrible sometimes I wanted to be a vet before I got into comedy, but then once I found out how much gore goes into that job, I wanted nothing to do with it. Brian Posehn vets comedy jobs Good comedy makes you laugh, and bad comedy makes people you hate laugh. Brian Posehn hate laughing people I like any big city. I like any place where you can see a guy with a pants-full of pooh fighting a ghost. Brian Posehn guy fighting cities I also smoke a lot of pot, occasionally, every day. Brian Posehn smoke pot Whenever you see riot footage on TV - you know, someone throwing a brick in Pakistan or somebody throwing a fiery piece of pooh through a Starbucks window up in Seattle - you ever see anybody throwing anything underhand? I think it just takes all the aggression out of the act. Brian Posehn pakistan pieces thinking My act is pretty much me reflecting on what I want to talk about and what I think is funny and what has happened to me. Brian Posehn reflecting want thinking As a comic, I used to know more about pop culture. Brian Posehn comic used culture I don't know if I was a poseur - I really did love metal, always - but I gave a lot of other things a chance. I wanted to meet, um, girls, so I would check out Depeche Mode. But mostly I wanted stuff with pentagrams and crowns of thorns on it. Brian Posehn thorns crowns girl I love metal songs about metal. That's one of my favorite things. Nobody does that any more. Nobody sings about how metal they are, or about their fans, or about how crazy their pits are. Brian Posehn fans crazy song Metal is the feeling of being an outsider, but still being part of something huge. Brian Posehn metals outsiders feelings When I'm late it matters, but when everybody else is late it doesn't matter... If that's the rule then just write it down and then I know, you know... I'll read it and I'll write it down on my balls. Right here. Right here on the back of my balls is where I'll write it. On the very back. I'll just lift them and write it nicely. Brian Posehn down-and balls writing Grew up in a small town where there was only one crazy guy. He didn't even go insane doing anything good, like going to 'Nam or having an extended acid trip. Turns out - legend has it - he just had some bad cheese. Brian Posehn insane guy crazy Just got a new car - got a little Miata convertible. Pretty happy about it, except for one thing: I'm 6-foot-6, so now I look like a McDonald's toy. Brian Posehn mcdonalds car feet Guys don't do that when they go out. Guys don't wear outfits that feature the dong. Brian Posehn outfits features guy I was just surprised when my wife told me we were having a baby. I was like, Wow, that's awesome. You're going to make a great single mom. Brian Posehn wife mom baby
