If finding an apartment is like falling in love, buying one is like proposing on your first date and agreeing not to see each other until the wedding. David Sedaris More Quotes by David Sedaris More Quotes From David Sedaris I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day. At first I had to force myself. Then it became part of my identity, and I did it without thinking. David Sedaris identity writing thinking Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto. David Sedaris hipster sin sometimes Einstein wrote that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That said, is it crazier to repeatedly throw yourself against a window, or to repeatedly open that window, believing the creatures that are throwing themselves against it might come into your house, take a look around, and leave with no hard feelings? David Sedaris house insanity believe I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I couldn't help but take it personally. David Sedaris afternoon hate helping Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive. David Sedaris enough-time enough looks I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call "understanding" is basically just fantasizing. David Sedaris understood realizing understanding Nobody pours stuffing like you do, my friend. David Sedaris my-friends like-you I had paid for my folly and, as a reward, was invited to take part in the nest builder’s performance piece. The script was great. ‘When I bleat here, do you want me to just bleat or to really let go and “bleat, bleat”?’ I asked. ‘I feel like “bleat, bleating,” but if Mother/Destroyer is going to be crawling through the birth canal of concertina wire, I don’t want to steal focus, you know what I mean? David Sedaris mother letting-go mean It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers. David Sedaris sitting mind running As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character. David Sedaris dressers beats character We can't profess love without talking through hand puppets. David Sedaris talking love hands After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations. David Sedaris parent civilization art Right, I breast feed baby camels in my backyard just for the freaking fun of it. Just tell me where you live, Pinocchio, and save the baloney for lunch. David Sedaris lunch fun baby But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either. David Sedaris laughed Write relentlessly, until you find your voice. Then, use it. David Sedaris voice use writing I gave my mother a matching set [of mugs] for Christmas, and she accepted them as graciously as possible, announcing that they would make the perfect pet bowls. The mugs were set on the kitchen floor and remained there until the cat chipped a tooth and went on a hunger strike. David Sedaris hunger-strike cat mother Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage. David Sedaris good-luck luck firsts All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments. David Sedaris made lying compliment I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives. David Sedaris fiction-and-nonfiction book people The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day. David Sedaris acropolis democracy greek
