If I could have any job I would be a cat... but that's not something I'm supposed to talk about in public. Iliza Shlesinger More Quotes by Iliza Shlesinger More Quotes From Iliza Shlesinger We've all been there, onstage. You say something you don't mean, you make fun of something on accident but... This wasn't that. This wasn't crowd work. This was a rehearsed set. This was pointed. Iliza Shlesinger crowds fun mean You're not a road comic till you've watched Real Sex and American Greed alone in your hotel room. Iliza Shlesinger greed real sex Most women have jobs that require them to leave the house. A cat is actually a perfect pet. You get the love and companionship of a creature covered in fur, and you don't have to take it for a walk, and it can feed itself. Less maintenance. Surely any man can appreciate the practicality of this choice. Iliza Shlesinger walk man women love I grew up in a bit of a vacuum. And as a kid, you see 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' and you're like, 'Oh, it's a cartoon.' There's mixed media. It's funny, and there's stop-motion. But as an adult, you figure it out, how the entire underpinnings of their comedy was poking fun at the rank and file of the British aristocracy and the monarchy. Iliza Shlesinger you comedy fun funny My whole life, I knew that I was going to be funny for a living. Iliza Shlesinger going living life funny You can hate me for being a woman, you can hate me for being smart, you can hate me for being funny, but you hate me because I am doing something you could never do. End of story. Iliza Shlesinger i-am me you funny My mother always told me that you should have one room in your house where you celebrate all of your achievements. You shouldn't have them spread throughout. Iliza Shlesinger me you celebrate mother I think that it's an easy thing to say, that whenever women do stand up, that 'Oh, they must hate men' - and I'm like, 'Well, if you listen carefully, it's actually a lovely tutorial that I wouldn't give to men unless I cared.' Iliza Shlesinger you women hate men I don't think anyone leaves Las Vegas rejuvenated, their skin shining, their bank accounts glowing. No one leaves Vegas, like, 'I didn't make one mistake. That felt great. Back to work.' Iliza Shlesinger skin great mistake work I think more than anything, as a comedian, I grow tired of the unoriginality of 'crazy cat lady' jokes. It's a hacky joke based on an already-played-out stereotype. Iliza Shlesinger grow think tired crazy The world is a scary place. Even my mother has suggested I take a self defense class. Iliza Shlesinger place self mother world Being sexually harassed is the worst. Sorry. Let me rephrase that. Being sexually harassed by an ugly guy is the worst... If he's hot, it's just plain old flirting. Iliza Shlesinger me ugly sorry hot A very long time ago, I accepted that travel is just a necessary evil, and unlike many things in my life, I decided going with the flow would make it less painful. Iliza Shlesinger my-life time life travel When you can analyze situations and figure out what's best for you, based on you and not some preconceived notion of what society expects, then nothing is a threat. Iliza Shlesinger nothing best you society I drink Peet's Coffee, and they're a very authentic company. They don't try to be something that they're not, and I think that's reflective in my comedy as well. Iliza Shlesinger think drink comedy coffee At a certain point, I had so much artwork that I decided to respect the art and present them in a nice way, not just on a dusty shelf. Iliza Shlesinger respect nice way art I believe in having a neat workspace because everything else in my life is so unpredictable, and my mind is so crowded - I wake up with commercials from the '90s blaring in my head. I try to give myself a fighting chance by having an organized workspace. Iliza Shlesinger my-life myself mind life I've had girls that kissed me on the cheek. People get so pumped, and so excited, they don't see you as a person. Which is fair. Sometimes, I don't see people as people. But at the end of the day, you can't put your hands on me unless I hug you first. Iliza Shlesinger day me you people I really wanted to do a deep-dive into the idea that women are always called 'crazy,' and we are painted with such broad strokes because it's so easy to stereotype women and write them off. I got tired of that, and I wanted to explain: We are not crazy. There's a method to our madness. Iliza Shlesinger women tired crazy easy You're never going to please 100 percent of women. Iliza Shlesinger going never you women
