If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate? Joseph Heller More Quotes by Joseph Heller More Quotes From Joseph Heller There are yawning gulfs into which large chunks of me have fallen. I do not always know where I am at present. Joseph Heller yawningfallenknows I think that maybe inside any business, there is someone slowly going crazy Joseph Heller going-crazycrazythinking You're an intelligent person of great moral character who has taken a very courageous stand. I'm an intelligent person with no moral character at all, so I'm in an ideal position to appreciate it. Joseph Heller intelligenttakencharacter Suppose everyone on our side felt that way? Joseph Heller militarysidesway Let someone else get killed! Joseph Heller military Someone had to do something sometime. Every victim was a culprit, every culprit a victim, and somebody had to stand up sometime to try to break the lousy chain of inherited habit that was imperiling them all. Joseph Heller habitvictimtrying Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one? Joseph Heller eventslifelong Now you've given them hope, and they're unhappy. So the blame is all yours. Joseph Heller blamegivenunhappy From now on I'm thinking only of me." Major Danby replied indulgently with a superior smile: "But, Yossarian, suppose everyone felt that way." "Then," said Yossarian, "I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn't I? Joseph Heller foolwaythinking He was never without misery, and never without hope. Joseph Heller without-hopemisery He was sick with lust and mesmerized with regret Joseph Heller regretsicklust Who's they?" He wanted to know. "Who, specifically, do you think is trying to murder you?" "Every one of them," Yossarian told him. "Every one of whom?" "Every one of whom do you think?" "I haven't any idea." "Then how do you know they aren't?" "Because..." Clevinger sputtered, and turned speechless with frustration. Clevinger really thought he was right, but Yossarian had proof, because strangers he didn't know shot at him with cannons every time he flew up into the air to drop bombs on them, and it wasn't funny at all. Joseph Heller frustrationideasthinking When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering. Joseph Heller godjobsfunny History did not demand Yossarian's premature demise, justice could be satisfied without it, progress did not hinge upon it, victory did not depend on it. That men would die was a matter of necessity; WHICH men would die, though, was a matter of circumstance, and Yossarian was willing to be the victim of anything but circumstance. But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents. Joseph Heller menwarchildren Men," he began his address to the officers, measuring his pauses carefully. "You're American officers. The officers of no other army in the world can make that statement. Think about it. Joseph Heller armymenthinking After he made up his mind to spend the rest of the war in the hospital, Yossarian wrote letters to everyone he knew saying that he was in the hospital but never mentioning why. One day he had a better idea. To everyone he knew he wrote that he was going on a very dangerous mission. "They asked for volunteers. It's very dangerous, but someone has to do it. I'll write you the instant I get back." And he had not written anyone since. Joseph Heller writingwarideas Clevinger was a troublemaker and a wise guy. Lieutenant Scheisskopf knew that Clevinger might cause even more trouble if he wasn't watched. Yesterday it was the cadet officers; tomorrow it might be the world. Clevinger had a mind, and Lieutenant Scheisskopf had noticed that people with minds tended to get pretty smart at times. Such men were dangerous, and even the new cadet officers whom Clevinger had helped into office were eager to give damning testimony against him. The case against Clevinger was open and shut. The only thing missing was something to charge him with. Joseph Heller smartwisemen I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private individuals. Joseph Heller governmentwarpeace The enemy," retorted Yossarian with weighted precision, "is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on, and that includes Colonel Cathcart. And don't you forget that, because the longer you remember it, the longer you might live. Joseph Heller mattermightenemy I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service. Joseph Heller military-leadershipmilitaryfunny
