If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex? Stephen Colbert More Quotes by Stephen Colbert More Quotes From Stephen Colbert Football is American; why are the Romans numering our bowls?! Stephen Colbert bowlsfootball We're not talking about truth, we're talking about something that seems like truth - the truth we want to exist. Stephen Colbert seemswanttalking If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking. Stephen Colbert mindpeoplethinking The summer movies are coming out. My advice: just stay home and burn a good book. Stephen Colbert summerhomebook I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled in poetry. Stephen Colbert teenagernewspapersschool I believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman, whose experience as a failed vice presidential candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal. Stephen Colbert starsbelievereality One day,I might be able to tell my grandkids I interviewed the last president of the United States. Stephen Colbert united-statesone-daypresident I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq. Stephen Colbert hilariousgovernmentbelieve You don't want to just do a joke because it works - we can make a lot of jokes work - you want to do a joke because it will hopefully build into an argument. Stephen Colbert hopefullyargumentwant The entire future of marriage rests with Justice Anthony Kennedy, the man who declared in Citizens United that corporations are people with constitutional rights. I just hope he doesn't do anything rash, like declare that homosexuals are people with constitutional rights. Stephen Colbert rightsjusticemen What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press. Stephen Colbert united-stateswingstrying Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that's going to make me seem kind of gay. Stephen Colbert gayproudacting Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie. Stephen Colbert kittenpieeasy What's the worst that can happen? A tidal wave? Glaciers with guns? Stephen Colbert glacierswavegun You see, we're America the Beautiful, not America 'Well, At Least She Has a Great Personality'. Stephen Colbert beautifulfunnyamerica Don’t get me wrong. Being a mom is no picnic. Raising the kids is the mother’s responsibility. It’s a thankless, solitary job, like sheriff or Pope. Stephen Colbert mommotherjobs Everybody loves dogs. They're the pizza of the animal kingdom. Stephen Colbert kingdomsdoganimal I not only loved studying theater, I loved being a theater major. It gave me an excuse to brood, to grow a beard, to wear black 'at' people. I didn't just want to play Hamlet, I wanted to be Hamlet. Stephen Colbert blackplaypeople Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires. Stephen Colbert wedlockfirebaby President Bush, have a hot dog with me. Stephen Colbert presidentdoghot
