If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk? Erma Bombeck More Quotes by Erma Bombeck More Quotes From Erma Bombeck My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job. Erma Bombeck mind jobs two Next to hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoon one of the most overrated events in the world. Erma Bombeck anchors events tattoo Authorities say brain cells may shrink, but they don't necessarily die. Frankly, I am cheered by the fact that something is shrinking. I'd be even more thrilled if what was shrinking affected my dress size, but you can't have everything. Erma Bombeck cells brain may We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.' Erma Bombeck daddy mother children No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love. Erma Bombeck laughter house baby Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best. Erma Bombeck hope wish children I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order. Erma Bombeck literature mother order When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten. Erma Bombeck money parent children There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M. Erma Bombeck taught body want I'm on a diet as my skin doesn't fit me anymore. Erma Bombeck fit diets skins Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids. Erma Bombeck parenting swag kids It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football. Erma Bombeck names football sports To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children. Erma Bombeck family children thinking One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other. Erma Bombeck phones humorous son Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League. Erma Bombeck phones girl humorous Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one. Erma Bombeck phones daughter humorous I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle. Erma Bombeck teenage morning inspirational The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean. Erma Bombeck funny-inspirational college football My mother won't admit it, but I've always been a disappointment to her. Deep down inside, she'll never forgive herself for giving birth to a daughter who refuses to launder aluminium foil and use it over again. Erma Bombeck daughter disappointment mother It is upsetting to many parents that their teen-agers introduce them to their friends as encyclopedia salesmen who are just passing through ... if they introduce them at all. I have some acquaintances who hover in dark parking lots, enter church separately and crouch in furnace rooms so their teen-agers will not be accused of having parents. Erma Bombeck upset parent dark
