If we had known there was biting in soccer, we would have started... by Peter Sagal

If we had known there was biting in soccer, we would have started watching years ago.

Peter Sagal

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In the ruling, Justice Roberts, who wrote the decision, referred to cell phones as not just phones but, quote, "cameras, video players, rolodexes, calendars, tape recorders, libraries, and diaries," unquote. Plus, he went on, best friends, lovers.

phones cells player

If self-driving cars are going to work - they're being tested now, as you know - the computers that drive them have to have lots of practice before they're allowed to get out in a real car on the roads.

real practice self

So "Grand Theft Auto," for those who don't know, is the video game series where players pretend to drive cars around these virtual cities, getting points for winning street races and killing people and generally creating mayhem. So, of course, we should make the robots practice driving in a violent, lawless dystopia.

race player winning

Look out sinners because if you do not go to confession, confession will come to you. The Catholic Church in northern England has launched a mobile confession unit called the Mercy Bus.

catholic england church

Our politicians screw up all the time, as we see. But with so many things, we're no longer the world leader in that.

screw-ups leader world

An Icelandic mayor goes on an anti-elf rant which gets him in tro... by Peter Sagal

An Icelandic mayor goes on an anti-elf rant which gets him in trouble.

mayors trouble goes-on

Hillary Clinton, told a reporter that she and Bill aren't truly well-off, even though they're incredibly rich because they pay income taxes like everybody else. In fact, she says, they were so poor when they left the White House, they could hardly afford Bill's website memberships.

bills white house

The Olympic Charter says winter sports must be played on snow or ice, so the Chess Federation says they'll play with ice pieces. The Olympic charter also says sports must be sports.

ice winter sports

Former Sony CEO Amy Pascal - they threw her out of the headquarters, but they gave her a new office on the lot. But she can't move into it because it reeks of pot smoke. Apparently, this is true, the former tenant was Seth Rogan. And he, as we know, smokes so much weed, when he finally exhales, it looks like there's a new pope.

weed office moving

We're excited for when Sony greenlights the $50 million film a "Bunch Of Swirling Colors" starring George Clooney and a lava lamp.

lava-lamps film color

UNESCO provides protection for the great cultural institutions. There is something called the intangible cultural heritage list. And the Italians want to put Neapolitan pizza on it. But in order to do that, you have to show that whatever it is that you're trying to protect is under threat. And pizza is totally under threat from Pizza Hut and Domino's...

lists trying order

We love things with biting - "Twilight" movies, zombie movies, ea... by Peter Sagal

We love things with biting - "Twilight" movies, zombie movies, eating.

biting zombie twilight

After Luis Suarez of Uruguay bit an Italian opponent in the shoulder, two things happened. Suarez was thrown out of the rest of the tournament, and the player he bit turned Uruguayan.

italian player two

If you are using search data to decide what's fashionable, you ar... by Peter Sagal

If you are using search data to decide what's fashionable, you are not fashionable.

fashionable data ifs

We amateur athletes are peculiarly devoted to our fitness, and our obsessions can sometimes be a burden to our loved ones and a mystery to everyone else.

mystery athlete sometimes

In the old days, we painstakingly copied our emails onto paper, put a stamp on them and mailed them to arrive 4 to 5 days later. We also churned our own butter and used our phones for talking.

phones technology funny

The new French theme park based on Napoleon is named Napoleon's Bivouac, and will honor Napoleon with rides, battle reenactments, and the brutal March on Moscow ride. That's a walk-in freezer you stand in for 18 months while you try to eat a dead horse.

horse funny travel