If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe. Woody Allen More Quotes by Woody Allen More Quotes From Woody Allen I see the glass half full...but of poison. Woody Allen glasses poison half I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want Woody Allen knows want The wicked at heart probably know something. Woody Allen humorous heart witty I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot Woody Allen hours pay thinking I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. Woody Allen humorous witty funny You use sex to express every emotion except love. Woody Allen emotion use sex Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano. Woody Allen piano funny moving Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick. Woody Allen annie-hall spiders honey A: Socrates is a man. B: All men are mortal. C: All men are Socrates. Woody Allen logical logic men When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce. Woody Allen divorce girl mother Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once. Woody Allen inspiration time funny I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling. Woody Allen focus goal thinking If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. Woody Allen money witty funny The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down. Woody Allen afterlife depressing done Everybody knows how awful the world is and what a terrible situation it is and each person distorts it in a certain way that enables him to get through. Some people distort it with religious things. Some people distort it with sports, with money, with love, with art, and they all have their own nonsense about what makes it meaningful, and all but nothing makes it meaningful. These things definitely serve a certain function, but in the end they all fail to give life meaning and everyone goes to his grave in a meaningless way. Woody Allen religious meaningful sports In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald. Woody Allen sixteen age trying I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me. Woody Allen humorous want witty The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don't. Woody Allen awards silly people I am two with nature. Woody Allen two A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life. Woody Allen divorce breakup drinking
