If you want to read a perfect book there is only one way: write it. Ambrose Bierce More Quotes by Ambrose Bierce More Quotes From Ambrose Bierce TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. Ambrose Bierce scalestariffsgreed Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while. Ambrose Bierce planningrevengepatience Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. Ambrose Bierce optimismoptimisticwhite LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure. Ambrose Bierce guardingtreasuremusic Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows. Ambrose Bierce thought-provokingsinsuccess A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction. Ambrose Bierce selffeetmen YESTERDAY, n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age. Ambrose Bierce ageyesterdaypast Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude. Ambrose Bierce gratitudethanksgivingreligious LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears. Ambrose Bierce legacytears Work: a dangerous disorder affecting high public functionaries who want to go fishing. Ambrose Bierce fishingsealakes Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity. Ambrose Bierce solemnitydegreesfound Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. Ambrose Bierce absurdityopinionbelief UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith. Ambrose Bierce advantagehellfaith Adolescence: The stage between puberty and adultery. Ambrose Bierce adulterycynicalcynicism Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. Ambrose Bierce husbandpowerbeauty Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due. Ambrose Bierce satisfactiongivingthinking The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations. Ambrose Bierce powerfulwarpeace Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford. Ambrose Bierce whiskeycowsneeds Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. Ambrose Bierce paintingweatherart DAY, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. This period is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day improper - the former devoted to sins of business, the latter consecrated to the other sort. Ambrose Bierce businessnighttwo
