In his first speech as Speaker, Boehner thanked his loved ones - tobacco lobbyists, the oil companies, the CEOs. Jay Leno More Quotes by Jay Leno More Quotes From Jay Leno The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. Jay Leno christmaswisefunny Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? Jay Leno moneyepicfunny A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for warmth. Today he was offered a job as President Obama's economic adviser. Jay Leno tunnelssnowjobs This is a strange country we live in. When it comes to electing a President, we get two choices. But when we have to select a Miss America, we get 50. Jay Leno twocountryamerica President Obama was in India yesterday visiting our jobs. Tomorrow he goes to China to visit our money. Jay Leno presidentyesterdayjobs With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance? Jay Leno firebirdcountry You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh. Jay Leno laughterrelationshipfunny Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day! Jay Leno valentines-dayromanticfunny The Olympics start on Friday, and Russia is implementing the most intensive security in Olympics history. During the games, the government will monitor every email, every social media message, and listen in on every phone call. In fact, people are even comparing Russia to the United States, that's how bad it is. Jay Leno fridayrussiaphones The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. Jay Leno doctorshumorousfunny Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs. Jay Leno yesterdaymorningjobs You know who must be very secure in their masculinity? Male ladybugs. Jay Leno ladybugsmalesmen One of President Obama's winning points last night was about how sanctions against Iran are crippling their economy. And believe me, if anyone knows how to cripple an economy, it's President Obama. Jay Leno winningnightbelieve In Greece, the unemployment rate has risen to 22%. The solution to the problem was to raise taxes on the rich, according to the Greek president Barack Obama-opolis. Jay Leno unemploymentgreekpresident You know what you call the two winners of that $580 million PowerBall lottery? ... Former Democrats Jay Leno winnerdemocrattwo President Bush's campaign is now attacking John Kerry for throwing away some of his medals to protest the Vietnam War. Bush did not have any medals to throw away, but in his defense he did have all his services records thrown out. Jay Leno defensepresidentwar Rick Santorum is so conservative; he thinks KY Jelly is jam made in Kentucky. Jay Leno jellykentuckythinking For the first time ever, women are scoring higher than men on IQ tests. Scientists say it has something to do with breast implants -- not that it makes the women smarter, it just makes the men dumber. Jay Leno womentestsfirsts Mitt Romney is predicting that as president, he will create 12 million jobs in his first term. Well, President Obama says a Romney presidency would result in lost jobs. Yeah, his and Biden's. Jay Leno bidenpresidentjobs In a groundbreaking move, the Associated Press, the largest news-gathering organization in the World, will no longer use the term 'illegal immigrant'. They will now use the phrase 'undocumented democrat'. Jay Leno phrasesorganizationmoving
