It's a fact that every minute you hold a child, it triples in mas... by Drew Magary

It's a fact that every minute you hold a child, it triples in mass.

Drew Magary

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Death is the only thing keeping us in line. by Drew Magary

Death is the only thing keeping us in line.

lines

When a teacher is paying extra attention to your child, you believe that it's because you raised such an exceptional kid, one that stands out head and shoulders above the rest of her booger-eating friends.

teacher believe children

Thank God there's somebody that doesn't like Stuart Scott. I'm so happy!. It was nice to have that counter-balance to ESPN.

balance thank-god nice

I wanted to write a book that maybe had the potential to go beyond the Deadspin and KSK [Kissing Suzy Kolber] readership.

kissing writing book

You always worry and you always fear what's next. But you eventually just push forward knowing you can't really do much about getting rid of the anxiety. You see people get pets after their kids leave the house because they're so used to having something around to dote on and worry about.

knowing kids people

I think I liked writing a novel better. Obviously, it's more rewarding. It's that marathon thing where it sucks when you're doing it, but you're proud of yourself at the end, and you've done it, and at the very least, nobody can take that away from you.

done writing thinking

I had to be happy with the process of writing.Each step you take is more rewarding than the one before.

process steps writing

I took time in the day to write as much of the book as I possibly could. I didn't write too much at night, because I don't like to - I'd rather watch TV.

writing night book

I don't know how a culture is going to evolve, but I think the way the Internet works now is, people go to the Internet to laugh and have a good time. That's why Tumblr feeds and I Can Has Cheezburger and memes get thrown into the blender with real news and sports news and politics and that stuff.

real sports thinking

I know there's no heaven. I know it all turns to nothingness. But I fear there will be some remnant of me left within that void. Left conscious by some random fluke. Something that will scream out for this. That one speck of my soul will still exist and be left trapped and wanting. For you. For the light. For anything.

light soul heaven

You cannot hide from the world. It will find you. It always does. And now it has found me. My split second of immortality is over. All that's left now is the end, which is all any of us ever has.

splits doe world

You become a parent, and your whole life becomes about worrying. You just worry constantly whether they'll be okay. And the idea that I'll be worried forever about them and what they do...I almost have a panic attack when I think about it. I'm worried, and I'm worried about having to worry so goddamn much.

worry ideas thinking

I found that life for me gets a lot more serious as you get older. You start off young and happy and smiling and "Wooo! I'm having fun!" And then you get married, and that's very serious, and you have kids, and that's very, very serious. So as you get older, you start thinking about passing away, and that becomes extremely serious.

fun kids thinking

Once ESPN leaves you, and you don't have a foothold anywhere else, you're done. It's very hard to do anything else, because in some ways, they're the only game in town.

done games way

You're going to have Yahoo! and places that don't have rights being much more aggressive in how sports news is covered.

news rights sports

I've always found that the best things I've ever written, or the things I like the most that I've written, are things where it's a pure idea, and you just follow it and put it down and see if it works.

down-and found ideas

With toilet books, people don't review them that much. They don't really pay much attention to them. It's just like, "Oh, okay. I'll put this in your stocking."

attention book people

For every hour a mother gets to herself, a father will demand five times that amount for drinking with friends and acting like an immature dipshit.

mother drinking father

You'll paint some nursery and the kid will want to sleep in a dra... by Drew Magary

You'll paint some nursery and the kid will want to sleep in a drawer.

want sleep kids

I was strangely looking forward to writing about my DUI arrest, only because I've known for four years that I was gonna write about it somehow. I dunno that it was "fun" to write, just something I'd been aching to purge from my system.

writing fun years