It's not that I don't trust you, Dunstable, it's simply that I don't trust you. P. G. Wodehouse More Quotes by P. G. Wodehouse More Quotes From P. G. Wodehouse "After all, golf is only a game", said Millicent. Women say these things without thinking. It does not mean that there is any kink in their character. They simply don't realise what they are saying. P. G. Wodehouse golfcharactermean Golf acts as a corrective against sinful pride. I attribute the insane arrogance of the later Roman Emperors almost entirely to the fact that, never having played golf, they never knew that strange chastening humility which is engendered by a topped chip shot. If Cleopatra had been ousted in the first round of the Ladies' Singles, we should have heard a lot less of her proud imperiousness. P. G. Wodehouse pridehumilitygolf She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season P. G. Wodehouse armshipsfood You probably think that being a guest in your aunt's house I would hesitate to butter you all over the front lawn and dance on the fragments in hobnailed boots, but you are mistaken. It would be a genuine pleasure. By an odd coincidence I brought a pair of hobnailed boots with me!' So saying, and recognising a good exit line when he saw one, he strode out, and after an interval of tense meditation I followed him. (Spode to Wooster) P. G. Wodehouse aunthousethinking Birds, except when broiled and in the society of a cold bottle, bored him stiff. P. G. Wodehouse boredbottlesbird He looks much more like a lobster than most lobsters do. P. G. Wodehouse lookslobster It was a silver cow. But when I say 'cow', don't go running away with the idea of some decent, self-respecting cudster such as you may observe loading grass into itself in the nearest meadow. This was a sinister, leering, Underworld sort of animal, the kind that would spit out of the side of its mouth for twopence. P. G. Wodehouse selfrunninganimal In his normal state he would not strike a lamb. I’ve known him to do it’ ‘Do what?’ ‘Not strike lambs P. G. Wodehouse lambsnormalstates Hugo?’ ‘Millicent?’ ‘Is that you?’ ‘Yes. Is that you?’ ‘Yes.’ Anything in the nature of misunderstanding was cleared away. It was both of them. P. G. Wodehouse misunderstanding What you want, my lad, and what you're going to get are two very different things. P. G. Wodehouse differentwanttwo I laughed derisively. "For goodness' sake, don't start gargling now. This is serious." "I was laughing." "Oh, were you? Well, I'm glad to see you taking it in this merry spirit." "Derisively," I explained. P. G. Wodehouse serioussakelaughing It was one of the most disgusting spectacles I've ever seen-- this white-haired old man, who should have been thinking of the hereafter, standing there lying like an actor. P. G. Wodehouse menlyingthinking You know how it is with some girls. They seem to take the stuffing right out of you. I mean to say, there is something about their personality that paralyses the vocal cords and reduces the contents of the brain to cauliflower. P. G. Wodehouse girlhumorousmean the supply of the milk of human kindness was short by several gallons P. G. Wodehouse gallonsmilkkindness He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes to its maximum only to the man who has given up golf. P. G. Wodehouse perfectgolfmen The only way of really finding out a man's true character is to play golf with him. In no other walk of life does the cloven hoof so quickly display itself. P. G. Wodehouse golfcharactermen I pity the shrimp that matches wits with you Jeeves P. G. Wodehouse jeevespityshrimp Golf is the Great Mystery. Like some capricous goddess, it bestows its favours with what would appear an almost fat-headed lack of method and discrimination. On every side we see big two-fisted he-men floundering round in three figures, stopping every few minutes to let through little shrimps with knock-knees and hollow cheeks, who are tearing up snappy seventy-fours. P. G. Wodehouse golfmentwo Men capable of governing empires fail to control a small white ball, which presents no difficulties whetever to others with one ounce more brain than a cuckoo clock. I wish to goodness I knew the man who invented this infernal game. I'd strangle him. But I suppose he's been dead for ages. Still, I could go and jump on his grave. P. G. Wodehouse gamesgolfmen No one so dislikes being punished unjustly as the person who might have been punished justly on scores of previous occasions, if he had only been found out. P. G. Wodehouse scorefoundmight
