It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping. Milton Berle More Quotes by Milton Berle More Quotes From Milton Berle My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it? Milton Berle moneychristmasfunny On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. Milton Berle valentineflowermother Remember when you had your face lifted... and the guy brought it back. Milton Berle guyfacesremember War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss. Milton Berle scarychristmaswar Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help. Milton Berle doctorshousehelping At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht. Milton Berle dollarschristmasreal She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash. Milton Berle valentineniceheart I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's wrong. Milton Berle educationalchristmaskids Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor. Milton Berle doctorschristmasyears In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December. Milton Berle decemberchristmasyears I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth. Milton Berle christmaslawmother I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size. Milton Berle sizewifechristmas My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached. Milton Berle motorcyclechristmasson I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods! Milton Berle kryptonearthknows He was such a bad writer, they revoked his poetic license. Milton Berle poetic-licensepoeticwriting I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. Milton Berle valentinewifedoors Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs. Milton Berle orthopedicschristmastree Our local department store had two Santas - one for regular kids and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less. Milton Berle christmastwokids The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy. Milton Berle valentinepiecesbreak Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce. Milton Berle armistice-daytrucevalentine
