It's weird watching President Bush struggle with excuses Craig Kilborn More Quotes by Craig Kilborn More Quotes From Craig Kilborn There are 300,000 new jobs and Bush said he's confused, 'Can I take credit for good news that I didn't even make up?' Craig Kilborn new-jobconfusedjobs In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard troops. Here's the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him there. Craig Kilborn troopslouisianapresident As John Kerry sails toward the Democratic nomination, new questions are emerging about President Bush's service in the National Guard, like where he was for six months in 1972 and why he refused to take a routine physical. President Bush has vowed to get to the bottom of this right after Election Day. Craig Kilborn six-monthsroutinepresident Ironically, the possibility that the president dodged his military service has increased his approval ratings with Democrats by 80 percent. Craig Kilborn approval-ratingmilitarypresident President Bush is in the hot seat over Iraqi pre-war intelligence. Remember the good ol' days when the only thing the president was trying to cover up was a stain? Craig Kilborn presidenttryingwar Bush said the unemployment situation is turning around. Last week alone, 5,000 people started working for John Kerry. Craig Kilborn unemploymentlastspeople I lived in a studio apartment until my mid-30s. I don't have an extravagant lifestyle. Craig Kilborn apartmentlifestylestudios It's not a big part, ... I wheel in an ultrasound machine and say to Taylor's gynecologist, 'If you have a problem with it, just give it a light tap on the side.' Then they hand me a urine sample, and I put it up to the light and say 'Hmm, looks pretty healthy, but I'll check.' Craig Kilborn ultrasoundslighthands Singer Boy Dylan was stopped at his own sow by security guards who failed to recognize the singer. Asked to comment, Dylan replied, 'I can hardly blame them. Look at me.' Craig Kilborn security-guardsboyslooks The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels. Craig Kilborn californiarunningpeople President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up. Craig Kilborn powerfulnightwar New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut. Craig Kilborn rumorcuttinggiving In Massachusetts, scientists have created the first human clone. The bad thing is that in thirty years, the clone will still be depressed because the Boston Red Sox will still have not won a World Series. Craig Kilborn massachusettsbostonyears Happy birthday to former First Lady Barbara Bush, who turned seventy-seven this week. Unfortunately, where her granddaughters helped blow out the candles on her cake, it exploded. Craig Kilborn granddaughtercakeblow While there's no 'I' in team, there's also no 'you', okay? So back off. Craig Kilborn insultokayteam If loving you is wrong, then I'll just like you a whole bunch! Craig Kilborn loving-youdreamlove A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness... from all the free drinks. Craig Kilborn nauseacausesdrinking As fighting in Iraq intensifies, President Bush delivered his supplemental war budget to Congress. The money will cover 30 days of fighting, then we'll be sent one war every other month until we cancel our subscription. Craig Kilborn iraqfightingwar Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down. Craig Kilborn nostalgicbillsclinton Apparently, six women claim that Arnold Schwarzenegger groped them while working on his movies. Hats off to these women who admit they worked on Arnold's movies. Craig Kilborn schwarzeneggerhatssix
