Like many men who play tennis, when I hit a ball into the net, I tend to look daggers at my racket, reproaching it for playing so badly when I myself have been trying so hard. Craig Brown More Quotes by Craig Brown More Quotes From Craig Brown Somewhere in the back of their minds, hosts and guests alike know that the dinner party is a source of untold irritation, and that even the dullest evening spent watching television is preferable. Craig Brown know dinner evening television A decent beard has long been the number one must-have fashion item for any fugitive from justice. Craig Brown beard fashion justice long Cleanliness is the scourge of art. Craig Brown scourge cleanliness art My life is a monument to procrastination, to the art of putting things off until later, or much later, or possibly never. Craig Brown life-is-a my-life life art Looking back, some of the happiest moments of my childhood were spent with my arm in packets of breakfast cereal, rootling around for a free gift. Craig Brown gift looking-back childhood breakfast Like the periwig and the bowler hat, the plus-four and the bow-tie, the blazer is on the way out, and those who persist in wearing it do so with a smattering of self-consciousness, a touch of obstinacy, even a pinch of camp. Craig Brown hat touch like way The first thing I hear when I wake up is the sea, which is so close to our house that its reflections from the sun dapple our bedroom ceiling. Craig Brown wake-up sea house sun Children are perfectly happy to sit next to spiders; it is only grown-ups who are frightened away. Craig Brown sit next happy children It is hard being a football loather, a football unfan. I sometimes feel as lonely as the sole survivor in the last reel of a Zombie film, as, one by one, old friends reveal themselves, with their glassy stares and outstretched arms, to have succumbed to the lure. Craig Brown feel friends old-friends football As a rough rule of thumb, I would say the smaller the pond, the more belligerent the fish. Craig Brown pond fish say more Everyone must know by now that the aim of Scrabble is to gain the moral high ground, the loser being the first player to slam the board shut and upset all the letters over the floor. Craig Brown know aim upset loser In its heyday, the blazer had come to symbolise a kind of conventional decency. Yacht club commodores and school bursars wore blazers. People who played bowls wore blazers. Craig Brown blazer club people school Words have a life of their own. There is no telling what they will do. Within a matter of days, they can even turn turtle and mean the opposite. Craig Brown words will matter life Andrew Lloyd Webber is one of those odd moth-like creatures who seem to combine extreme discomfort with the spotlight with an unstoppable compulsion to leap into it. Craig Brown who discomfort spotlight leap Speaking for myself, I spend a good ten minutes a day deciding whether or not to read the results of new surveys, and, once I have read them, a further five minutes deciding whether or not to take them seriously. Craig Brown new day good myself Monopoly may also end in tears, but its tensions are cruder, lacking the infinitely subtle shadings of irritation and acrimony provided by Scrabble. Craig Brown end monopoly tears may As life goes on, we accrue more and more loseable objects. Providence dictates that objects that are too large to lose, such as houses, always come with tiny little keys, specially designed to give you the slip. Craig Brown lose you always life Traditionally, wake-up calls are meant to wake you up rather than send you to sleep: the clue is in the wording. But those who talk of wake-up calls tend to have an easy-going way with words. Craig Brown words you sleep way Comedy is the slave of time. What seemed funny then is unlikely to seem funny now, just as what strikes us as funny now would not have seemed funny then. Craig Brown us comedy time funny One of the many joys of tongue-twisters is that they serve no purpose beyond fun. Craig Brown beyond serve purpose fun
