Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. Ambrose Bierce More Quotes by Ambrose Bierce More Quotes From Ambrose Bierce RASCALITY, n. Stupidity militant. The activity of a clouded intellect. Ambrose Bierce intellect stupidity military Immigrant: An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another. Ambrose Bierce persons country thinking CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries. Ambrose Bierce boundaries war peace NOTORIETY, n. The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and acceptable to mediocrity. A Jacob's-ladder leading to the vaudeville stage, with angels ascending and descending. Ambrose Bierce angel leadership kindness MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart. Ambrose Bierce soul heart men HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes, cat-quick. Ambrose Bierce cat israel heart HEART, n. Figuratively, this useful organ is said to be the seat of emotions and sentiments . . . . It is now known that sentiments and emotions reside in the stomach, being evolved from food by chemical action of the gastric fluid. Ambrose Bierce emotion action heart ROMANCE, n. Fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of Things as They Are. In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to probability, but in romance it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination . . . Ambrose Bierce romance imagination fiction DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears. Ambrose Bierce generosity support fear ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Musca maledicta"). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us. Ambrose Bierce kings mother father BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to be something from the man who wishes to do something. A man of great wealth, or one who has been pitchforked into high station, has commonly such a headful of brain that his neighbors cannot keep their hats on. In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, brain is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office. Ambrose Bierce men science thinking REPARTEE, n. Prudent insult in retort. Practiced by gentlemen with a constitutional aversion to violence, but a strong disposition to offend. In a war of words, the tactics of the North American Indian. Ambrose Bierce gentleman strong war Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office. Ambrose Bierce gentleman office life A man who piously shuts himself up to meditate upon the sin of wickedness and to keep it fresh in his mind joins a brotherhood of awful examples. Ambrose Bierce brotherhood mind men A modern school where football is taught. Ambrose Bierce football sports school SAUCE, n. The one infallible sign of civilization and enlightenment. A people with no sauces has one thousand vices; a people with one sauce has only nine hundred and ninety-nine. For every sauce invented and accepted a vice is renounced and forgiven. Ambrose Bierce ninety-nine food civilization MONOSYLLABIC, adj. Composed of words of one syllable . . . Commonly Saxon - that is to say, words of a barbarous people destitute of ideas and incapable of any but the most elementary sentiments and emotions. Ambrose Bierce emotion people ideas Male, A member of the unconsidered or negligible gender. The male of the human race is commonly known to the female as Mere Man. The Genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers. Ambrose Bierce race men two Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. Ambrose Bierce wealth money blessing Revelation: a famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing. Ambrose Bierce done bible book
