Mitt Romney was a guest on 'The Tonight Show' on NBC. It's interesting — you have an empty suit trying to please everyone, and then Romney comes out. David Letterman More Quotes by David Letterman More Quotes From David Letterman Bush explained his strategy for transfer of power. It's a two part plan. Part one: clean out his desk. Part two: rent a U-Haul. David Letterman cleanstrategytwo I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious. David Letterman collective-unconsciouschangejustice Scientists have discovered a black hole that is 12 billion times the size of our sun. It's full of Hillary Clinton emails. David Letterman sizeblacksun Illinois is the only state where the present governor rides around in a car whose license plate was made by a previous governor. David Letterman illinoiscarstates There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. David Letterman office-workbusinessshows Happy birthday to evil North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. He gathered family and friends together and celebrated by executing a few close friends. David Letterman family-and-friendseviltogether I'd do a podcast about guys wearing shorts when it's too cold. David Letterman coldshortsguy Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. David Letterman sarcasticnew-yorkfunny Childhood. I wish I had something to complain about. David Letterman childhoodwishcomplaining There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing. David Letterman realcouragebelieve CBS News finally received anthrax in the mail. As usual, we're number three. David Letterman threeusualnumbers Chi-Os were ideal partners for all occasions. They were discrete, desirable, tactful, polite, and fun... Every mom dreamed of her son coming home with a Chi Omega, a woman's woman. David Letterman momhomefun President Obama is sending troops back to Iraq. He said, 'Don't worry, we should not be there any longer than a Kardashian marriage.' David Letterman iraqpresidentworry Bring Your Child to Work Day -- that's how we got George W. Bush. David Letterman work-dayyour-childrenchildren If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all. David Letterman coffeepersonalityifs I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy. David Letterman votingbabylong About half an hour before air time - that's when I become hyper. I put everything else out of my mind and just let that nervous energy surge through my body. I start talking faster and louder. My confidence comes up. It's actually a great feeling. David Letterman airfeelingstalking I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. David Letterman dancewittyfunny I think O.J. protests too much. Not only did he say he didn't carve the holiday turkey, but he was in the back yard practicing his golf swing the whole time. David Letterman holidaygolfthinking Mary Keitany from Kenya won the women's race at the New York City Marathon. You can tell she was fast because guys on the street didn't even have time to finish their catcalls. David Letterman citiesracenew-york
