My grandmother was very funny. It skipped a generation. Richard Belzer More Quotes by Richard Belzer More Quotes From Richard Belzer If you tell a lie that's big enough, and you tell it often enough, people will believe you're telling the truth, even if what you're saying is total crap. Richard Belzer believelyingpeople What am I grateful for? Aside from my own great life, you mean? I'm just grateful that my wife, and daughter, and dogs are all healthy. Richard Belzer thanksgivingdaughterdog The truth will set you free...unless you want to know the truth about who killed JFK. Richard Belzer truth-will-set-you-freeknowswant There`s a division in most major police departments called, `Special Victims Unit,` which is what sex crimes are euphemistically called. They`re considered the most heinous crimes, when not only do you violate somebody, but you violate them sexually. So it`s an elite squad that takes care of that. Richard Belzer squadpolicesex I've known Chevy Chase for so long, I actually knew him when he was funny! Richard Belzer chevyknownlong Civil liberties, good. Lawyers, bad. Richard Belzer good-lawyerlawyerliberty It's this patronizing thing that people have about if you're against the war everyone's lumped together. You know, the soldiers are not scholars, they're not war experts. Richard Belzer soldierwarpeople Anybody who thinks there`s not a vast right-wing conspiracy in this country must also think that Ken Starr should be our next ambassador to Luxembourg. Richard Belzer wingscountrythinking If any animal is capable of unconditional love, it is surely the canine: they are forgiving, caring, life-affirming creatures who humble us and teach us to be more human and compassionate. Richard Belzer caringhumbleanimallove Exercise is the fountain of youth, I believe. Richard Belzer i-believeyouthexercisebelieve The reason I wrote 'Hit List' is the 50 mysterious deaths of witnesses to the JFK assassination. We're talking about CIA agents, FBI agents, reporters, people who had foreknowledge, or people who spoke too much afterward. Richard Belzer mysterioustoo-muchtalkingpeople Have you noticed that the meanest, shrillest, least compassionate and most heartless people who are well off and have all the medical coverage they'll ever need are seemingly sickened beyond cure by the notion that someone who literally cannot afford health care is somehow beneath contempt and must be vilified and humiliated? Richard Belzer youmedicalhealthpeople Everything is a conspiracy. People kind of demonize the word. But a conspiracy is when two people get together and do something. So, if more than one person does something, it's a conspiracy. The revolution was a conspiracy, Iran Contra, Watergate. Richard Belzer personget-togethertogetherpeople Arguably, the first five years of 'Saturday Night Live' were some of the most radical things ever seen on television. When NBC said, 'Okay, you can do a show from 11:30 to 1 on Saturday night,' they didn't think anyone would watch. It was like giving a piece of the candy store to the kids. Richard Belzer livethinkyounight If Sherlock Holmes can survive the Reichenbach Falls, then surely we have not seen the last of Detective Sergeant John Munch. Richard Belzer thensurviveseenlast You remember France, it's the country that financed the American Revolution... OK, it was in their self-interest, but still, they made it happen. Let's face it: without the French, there would be no America... in other words, without them, there is no us. Richard Belzer facewordsyouremember In the seventies when I was struggling, I ate the same thing every day at Big Nick's Burger Joint on Broadway and 77th Street. A cottage-cheese omelette with tomatoes, French fries, rye toast, orange juice, and coffee. It was consistently the most satisfying meal I could possibly imagine. Richard Belzer every-daystreetdaycoffee 'SNL' came out in the '70s. It's a different zeitgeist. It's hard to re-create it, just as it would be hard to do a black-and-white noir film now. The culture's different. Richard Belzer justharddifferentculture I was thrown out of every school I ever went to. Richard Belzer evereveryoutschool In 1985, I was the host of a talk show, 'Hot Properties on Lifetime.' Hulk Hogan was on the show. He put me in a headlock and rendered me unconscious and let me fall to the ground. I split my head open and got nine stitches - and this was on live TV. Richard Belzer livemehotfall
