My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby. Bob Saget More Quotes by Bob Saget More Quotes From Bob Saget I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them Bob Saget carboysyears Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life. Bob Saget rest-of-your-lifework-outtoday Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison. Bob Saget behind-every-great-manprisonmen I'm a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts? Bob Saget nutsdoedoors My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward. Bob Saget fartstuckfather Full House was a show that was done for ten-year-olds. The critics hated it. They said terrible, terrible things about it. But it should have been reviewed by ten-year-olds. That's who it was made for. They loved it. And if they loved it, great. Why the hell does a fifty-year-old guy working at a big newspaper have to tell me I'm a piece of crap? Bob Saget guyshould-haveyears Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed. Bob Saget creativitykindnessnew-day If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine. Bob Saget wipegivingwindow My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom. Bob Saget clothesdadmom When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you'd want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs? Bob Saget painhurtlove-is At the end of the day it's the end of the day. Bob Saget and-at-the-end-of-the-daythe-end-of-the-dayends My mom just told me it's impossible to know what's going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day. Bob Saget causesmombreakfast The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously - accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you're basically working in front of them during what could've been specifically 'quality time.' Bob Saget selfishtryinghands I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet. Bob Saget tv-showsnutsdirty I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing. Bob Saget interviewslittlespeople I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though. Bob Saget fleasspidershurt My girlfriend just told me I am one of the smartest people she knows. I told her, You need to meet other people. Bob Saget girlfriendpeopleneeds It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too. Bob Saget jobsnightdirty Nobody can tell me what I can or can't do, except they can. Bob Saget i-can I'm completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated. Bob Saget eating-fooddietseating
