My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. Groucho Marx More Quotes by Groucho Marx More Quotes From Groucho Marx The only real laughter comes from despair. Groucho Marx laughterwittyfunny Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth. Groucho Marx brotherfatheryears Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet! Groucho Marx girlfriendwittyfunny I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. Groucho Marx inspirationfunnyyears I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. Groucho Marx sarcasticlifefunny How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery? Groucho Marx galleryshootingwant Always examine the dice. Groucho Marx dicelife There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook. Groucho Marx honestytruthfunny I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself. Groucho Marx inspirationwishhands A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded. Groucho Marx organizationpeopleworld I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. Groucho Marx gogglesfunny-relationshipsex If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake. Groucho Marx smogearthquakesbelieve Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women. Groucho Marx leadershipwittymotivational Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know. Groucho Marx inspirationalfunnyart I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago...I shot my broker. Groucho Marx wallinspirationyears If you were a man, you'd go into business Groucho Marx menyearsideas I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. Groucho Marx crazysarcasticfunny Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls. Groucho Marx crazygirlhumorous I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me Groucho Marx husbandinspirationyears Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. Groucho Marx humorouswittyfunny
