My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign Woody Allen More Quotes by Woody Allen More Quotes From Woody Allen The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts. Woody Allen maturity tests awakening Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate. Woody Allen money order children I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. Woody Allen beautiful funny sex I'm sure there are people in Hollywood, whose main drive in film is to make money, who will feel that any use of the word hijacking or any reference to anything violent or remotely associated with the terrible tragedy that occurred will lose customers for them. And that will be the only criterion that will matter and so they'll force the minions that work for them to remove these things from their movies, or not make movies about that subject. Woody Allen hollywood tragedy people I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member. Woody Allen humorous witty funny I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over. Woody Allen thirds life-is birthday The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst thing you could say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death. Woody Allen things-in-life evil thinking For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal. Woody Allen marriage attitude years Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser! Woody Allen humorous witty honey Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale? Woody Allen aggressive race world My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went. Woody Allen pieces land father Achilles only had an Achilles heel, I have an entire Achilles body. Woody Allen achilles-heel achilles body He's a politician. That's a notch below child molester. Woody Allen politics political children I'm a teleological, existential agnostic. Woody Allen agnostic existential Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym. Woody Allen annie-hall humorous witty Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables. Woody Allen choices vegetables two Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right. Woody Allen humorous witty sex There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. Woody Allen elderly loneliness boys And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room. Woody Allen parenting humorous witty You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert. Woody Allen wind two art
