Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch. P. J. O'Rourke More Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke More Quotes From P. J. O'Rourke In the past a man was expected to give his seat on a bus to a woman. Today it would be much more courteous for that man to give her his job. P. J. O'Rourke workjobspast One of the reporters must have flunked journalism school because he asked a question that went straight to the point. P. J. O'Rourke journalismfunnyschool Cockfighting has always been my idea of a great sport -- two armed entrées battling to see who'll be dinner. P. J. O'Rourke sportstwoideas [T]he Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock? Peace Corps volunteers? Or maybe the people in Texas were attacked because of child abuse. But, if child abuse was the issue, why didn't Janet Reno tear-gas Woody Allen? P. J. O'Rourke religiouscountrychildren Think about last time you were broke ... now how well did it go with spending your way out of it? Did that work? P. J. O'Rourke lastswaythinking There's a very good reason that governments aren't supposed to compete with private-enterprise companies. Governments have monopolies on certain things, like eminent domain and deadly force. P. J. O'Rourke eminent-domaingovernmentreason I went back to bumming around New York, writing freelance stuff for Car & Driver and such. P. J. O'Rourke carnew-yorkwriting Sometimes you need a B-2 bomber and sometimes you need your mother. P. J. O'Rourke bombersmotherneeds First and foremost: Feed people. P. J. O'Rourke peoplefirsts Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. P. J. O'Rourke datingwifeadvice A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it. P. J. O'Rourke first-impressiongivingfirsts As long as we are on firm moral ground, as long as we're caring about other people, these are legitimate worries. The minute that we start protecting our own interests in the name of these worries and saying, "Oh, we have to make sure that only Ford Motor Company manufactures cars, because we can't be sure that the cars in other countries are being made quite up to our point of view," we're economically off base, and, of course, we're moral hypocrites, too. P. J. O'Rourke hypocritecaringcountry There's no such thing as a trade deficit. P. J. O'Rourke deficittrade You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does. P. J. O'Rourke sarcastichumorousanimal B students work for C students - A students teach. P. J. O'Rourke teachstudents I had really not been out of the United States much, except for Mexico. I thought, "Jesus Christ, this [Russia] is like a whole new world." Instead of writing Michael Jackson one-glove jokes, all I had to do was go to these weird places and keep my eyes and ears open. P. J. O'Rourke eyewritingjesus It doesn't matter how many televisions and computers and pieces of stereo equipment the Chinese send to us, even if they're sending them to us only in return for some funny, little, green pieces of paper. That is a balanced trade. They got what they wanted: the green pieces of paper. We got what we wanted: the plush toys, the computers, the stereo components. P. J. O'Rourke chinesepiecestelevision I've never been able to get it straight about what these people who are worried about the trade deficit are worried about. When they say that we're buying too much from overseas, that we're sending too many dollars overseas to get all these goods and services they got, they're saying that the American dollar is too strong and that is hurting our economy. And the result of this will be that the American dollar will get too weak, and that will hurt our economy. P. J. O'Rourke stronghurtpeople Smoking is very bad for you and should only be done because it looks so good. People who don't smoke have a terrible time finding something polite to do with their lips. P. J. O'Rourke smokingpeoplelooks Nothing about economic growth in the United States over the course of the past 40, 50 years, during which time this has been continually happening, would indicate that we are being harmed in an overall sense by this. P. J. O'Rourke growthpastyears
