Never drink if you've got any work to do. Never. H. L. Mencken More Quotes by H. L. Mencken More Quotes From H. L. Mencken What restrains us from killing is partly fear of punishment, partly moral scruple, and partly what may be described as a sense of humor H. L. Mencken punishmentmoralitymay Every autobiography ... becomes an absorbing work of fiction, with something of the charm of a cryptogram. H. L. Mencken charmautobiographyfiction Watching two women kiss is like watching two prizefighters shake hands. H. L. Mencken kissinglifehands The only time you have a free press is when you own one. H. L. Mencken free-presspressesonly-time Philosophy first constructs a scheme of happiness and then tries to fit the world to it. H. L. Mencken tryingphilosophyworld Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull H. L. Mencken would-besexdull The life of man in this world is like the life of a fly in a room filled with 100 boys, each armed with a fly-swatter. H. L. Mencken philosophicalmenboys Chopin--Two embalmers at work upon a minor poetthe scent of tuberosesAutumn rain. H. L. Mencken musicraintwo [Texas is] the place where there are the most cows and the least milk and the most rivers and the least water in them, and where you can look the farthest to see the least. H. L. Mencken texasriverswater The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars. H. L. Mencken cigarworstopinion Men are the only animals that devote themselves, day in and day out, to making one another unhappy. It is an art like any other. Its virtuosi are called altruists. H. L. Mencken animalmenart When I reach the shades at last it will no doubt astonish Satan to discover, on thumbing my dossier, that I was a member of the Y.M.C.A. H. L. Mencken shadedoubtdeath Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven. H. L. Mencken democracydreamheaven Some time ago a publisher told me that there are four kinds of books that seldom, if ever, lose money in the United States--first,murder stories; secondly, novels in which the heroine is forcibly overcome by the hero; thirdly, volumes on spiritualism, occultism and other such claptrap, and fourthly, books on Lincoln. H. L. Mencken fourherobook Friendship is a common belief in the same fallacies, mountebanks and hobgoblins. H. L. Mencken beliefcommonfriendship All the great villainies of history, from the murder of Abel onward, have been perpetrated by sober men, chiefly by Teetotalers. H. L. Mencken cookingfoodmen In my day a reporter who took an assignment was wholly on his own until he got back to the office, and even then he was little molested until his copy was turned in at the desk; today he tends to become only a homunculus at the end of a telephone wire, and the reduction of his observations to prose is commonly farmed out to literary castrati who never leave the office, and hence never feel the wind of the world in their faces or see anything with their own eyes. H. L. Mencken officeeyewind Hamlet has been played by 5,000 actors, no wonder he is crazy. H. L. Mencken actorscrazywonder There are some people who read too much: The bibliobibuli. H. L. Mencken too-muchpeople All talk of winning the people by appealing to their intelligence, of conquering them by impeccable syllogism, is so much moonshine. H. L. Mencken influencewinningpeople
