Now stage one, is, of course, denial. As in, ‘No, the host of ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ is not our president, he can’t possibly be’, ‘CNN must have the map wrong, they must have missed a county or something’. Jimmy Kimmel More Quotes by Jimmy Kimmel More Quotes From Jimmy Kimmel The idea that you would not only exercise but that you would enjoy it is very difficult for me to understand. I just hate it. Jimmy Kimmel meyouenjoyhate It's funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up. Jimmy Kimmel mehigh-schoolfunnyschool I'm a terrible golfer. Jimmy Kimmel golferterrible That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't. Jimmy Kimmel thinkalwaysbossfunny I know there are, like, 12 rules for late night: a desk, a band. Will people take me seriously if I don't wear a tie? Jimmy Kimmel knowmenightpeople I don't really need to be dirty to be funny. Jimmy Kimmel reallyneedfunnydirty When you know someone you can make a little more fun of them without them getting offended. Jimmy Kimmel someoneknowyoufun Sometimes I'll feel like an interview was fine or whatever, and people go, 'Oh, boy, I saw you with so and so last night; that must have been tough.' And then I'm like, 'I guess it was bad. I need to look back at that.' Jimmy Kimmel lookyounightpeople I like a real beach. A crowded one, you know? People, towels, umbrellas. I hate those little private strips of sand you see up in Malibu. Jimmy Kimmel youhatebeachpeople You don't need to exorcise your personal demons onstage. Jimmy Kimmel demonsyourneedyou I describe myself as a human being. Jimmy Kimmel human-beinghumanbeingmyself There is no way, if I was running ABC, I would have kept me on the air. Jimmy Kimmel meairrunningway I know people who have literally quit their jobs to spend more time with their children, and I go, 'Wow,' my dad used to go to work at 7 o'clock in the morning and he'd come back at 7:30 and we'd kind of see him walk in and then he'd go upstairs and suddenly he'd be in a T-shirt and grumpy. There wasn't much in the way of conversation that went on. Jimmy Kimmel walkworktimemorning There's no debate about the greenhouse effect, just like there's no debate about gravity. If someone throws a piano off the roof, I don't care what Sarah Palin tells you, get out of the way because it's coming down on your head. Jimmy Kimmel youdebatecareway Almost every week, someone's mad at me. Jimmy Kimmel someonemeweekmad I only get unusual ailments. Jimmy Kimmel onlygetunusual I have like fifteen televisions in my house. Jimmy Kimmel likefifteenhouse There's an air of mystery around the Masons, but the reality is that they're mostly a bunch of veterans getting drunk in a lodge that they've built to look like a temple. It's just a bunch of guys trying to get away from their wives. Jimmy Kimmel templelookdrunkreality My aunt and uncle are clearly civilians. Jimmy Kimmel clearlyuncleciviliansaunt I can't be as flip as I once was. Jimmy Kimmel onceflip
