Now usually for me to talk about a news story on this show, especially a tragic one, it has to be something that everybody's already talking about... But this story is different, because this is the conversation everyone should be having, i would cite Stephen Colbert to the Apostle Paul and his clear and wise command in Romans 13 to obey the laws of the government because God has ordained the government for his purposes.

Stephen Colbert

Categorized in : Entertainment

I'm disappointed that my own Catholic Church has decided that capital punishment is wrong. Which is pretty hypocritical if you think about it, because they wouldn't even have a religion if it wasn't for capital punishment.

Stephen Colbert

punishment catholic thinking

In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.

Stephen Colbert

artist america way

Donald Trump, yes, he's somebody's little boy. But he is his ideas because his ideas are what's going to affect us. As a man, he can do very little. But his ideas could kill us all.

Stephen Colbert

little-boys men boys

The most common thing that real reporters say to me is, "I wish I could say what you say." What I don't understand is, why can't they say what I say, even in their own way? Does that mean they want to be able to name certain bald contradictions or hypocrisies that politicians have?

Stephen Colbert

real names mean

I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.

Stephen Colbert

aliens real long

NC passed law against global warming science, therefore it's not happening. So I'm ignoring Twitter's 140-character limit, so it's not happ

Stephen Colbert

limits law character

My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'

Stephen Colbert

self giving character

I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.

Stephen Colbert

lasts law thinking

If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?

Stephen Colbert

hard-times care fall

Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.

Stephen Colbert

better-tomorrow tomorrow

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

Stephen Colbert

prove-it prove i-can

I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.

Stephen Colbert

work littles funny

There is no food closer to my heart than cheese. In fact, according to my doctor, it has nearly filled my aorta.

Stephen Colbert

doctors heart facts

If you're a perfectionist and you know you're about to do something at which you cannot be perfect, then that is daunting because you know what your heart is like and the way you approach your work.

Stephen Colbert

perfect heart way

In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.

Stephen Colbert

gay-marriage monkeys gay

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Stephen Colbert

mysterious-ways welfare way

(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock

Stephen Colbert

salinger rocks

Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.

Stephen Colbert

blind eye wind

You can't swallow and think about your tongue. If you think about your tongue, you've got a giant piece of meat in your mouth and that's a terrible feeling.

Stephen Colbert

meat feelings thinking

I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop. I'm not going to.

Stephen Colbert

doctors night kids