On Furnishing One's Home - Pick your furniture like you pick a wife; it should make you feel comfortable and look nice, but not so nice that if someone walks past it they want to steal it. Justin Halpern More Quotes by Justin Halpern More Quotes From Justin Halpern The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two. Justin Halpern liars numbers two The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and just ain't spitting it out. Justin Halpern cancer relax baby I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more. Justin Halpern silence mean jesus Before I proposed to my now-wife, I was understandably nervous. My father suggested that I take stock of all of my experiences and relationships with women, from my earliest memories to present day, and see if I had learned anything that might inform my decision. Justin Halpern wife memories father No, you can't go getting mad at people because they're shitty. Life will get mad at them, don't worry. Justin Halpern mad worry people That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them. Justin Halpern sexy league son What Im trying to say is that what makes you up, its always been around, and it always will be around. So really the only thing you should worry about is the part you're at right now. Where you got a body and a head and all that bullshit. Just worry about living, dying is the easy part. Justin Halpern bullshit dying worry The Internet has really democratized ideas. There are no real gatekeepers any more, because if you have a great idea, and you put it online, people will find it and it will get in front of who it needs to get in front of. Justin Halpern real people ideas My parents had irrational fears of Mexico and assumed that once you crossed the border, drug runners made you swallow a heroin balloon and then within the hour you were in a bathtub full of ice and they were harvesting your kidneys. Justin Halpern ice drug parent People are always trying to tell you how they feel. Some of them say it outright, and some of them, they tell you with their actions. And you have to listen. I don't know what will happen with your lady friend. I think she's a nice person, and I hope you get what you want. But do me a favor: Listen, and don't ignore what you hear. Justin Halpern always-trying nice thinking I'm not a guy who curses very much in my personal life. When I curse it sounds like a kid trying to be cool. But I think there are quite a few people, my father being one of them, who use curse words rather eloquently. Justin Halpern father kids thinking On My Last-Place Finish in the 50-Yard Dash During Little League Tryouts “It kinda looked like you were being attacked by a bunch of bees or something. Then when I saw the fat kid with the watch who was timing you start laughing…. Well, I’ll just say it’s never a good sign when a fat kid laughs at you. Justin Halpern league laughing kids On My First Driving Lesson “First things first: A car has five gears. What is that smell?…Okay, first thing before that first thing: Farting in a car that’s not moving makes you an asshole. Justin Halpern smell car moving I just wanted to compile these stories about growing up with my father and I wanted people to be able to enjoy them individually, but also the entire book as a whole. Justin Halpern growing-up father book I was an angst-y journal writing kid. Justin Halpern angst writing kids I almost feel like I'm unoffendable now. I can roll with whatever. Justin Halpern i-can feels Los Angeles is like San Diego's older, uglier sister that has herpes. Justin Halpern herpes san-diego los-angeles Writing a book is incredibly pleasurable, but very solitary. You have total control, but sometimes that can drive you insane. Justin Halpern insane writing book There is no definitive guidebook on how to pick the right partner, and even if there were, I'm way too dumb to write it. Justin Halpern dumb writing way The thing with Bill Shatner is he brings something unique to everything he does. He's not the obvious choice for anything, but he always brings something special to it. Justin Halpern choices unique special
