On Twitter, I just want to make you laugh at all costs. Rob Delaney More Quotes by Rob Delaney More Quotes From Rob Delaney It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth. Rob Delaney loverelationshiplaughing Running is special. We've all done it: well, poorly, focused, in fear, being pursued, toward a goal. It's just elemental. Running is like fire. Rob Delaney fearrunningfunny The best thing you can do when you're not feeling funny is go out and get more stimuli from the world, get out and walk around, read a book, go talk to some birds or a dog and replenish the well, as it were. Rob Delaney dogbirdbook I love gay people. Or as I sometimes call them, 'people.' Rob Delaney gaysometimespeople I can't 'make' you love me. But I can fill my pantry with your favourite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75. Rob Delaney snacksrelationshiplaughing A long-term relationship is about showing up and working hard and banking on each other. If one's down, the other might be up and can help the other one up, and sometimes you're both down and you just [band] together. Endurance is a big theme of it for me. That might not sound romantic, but I kind of think that it is. Rob Delaney endurancelongthinking I can say that I'm a feminist and I try to be progressive and all that stuff. But I when I'm tired or when I've been thrown up on for the second time that I'm just a tired man trying to keep it together. I've had a lot of jobs over the years and people who make television - it's ridiculous how much they're lauded and paid. It's irresponsible and stupid. But it is hard work. It's very difficult to balance having three young kids and working like that. So I owe my wife an enormous debt of gratitude. I feel guilty that the kids had to be grown in her body and she hasn't been able to work. Rob Delaney gratitudetiredstupid Cats probably wouldn't need 9 lives if they wore tiny little helmets and didn't smoke cigarettes. Rob Delaney tinycatneeds If you have an opinion on what other adults do consensually with other adults when they take their pants off, you're a weirdo. Rob Delaney pantsadultsopinion I think your ambition for something changes as you go. Rob Delaney things-changeambitionthinking The danger for a comedian on Twitter is the same danger that any civilian faces: sometimes you gotta put that phone down and go live your life. When you're on Twitter, you're not living, and if you're not living, you're not taking in stimuli with which you can create new material. Rob Delaney live-your-lifecomedianphones I no longer believe in freedom of speech. Rob Delaney freedom-of-speechspeechbelieve It's a good idea to have a break, to let your mind rest and so you can start to cultivate ideas. Rob Delaney breakmindideas We can and should complain about certain horrors of the modern world, but when it comes to the treatment of mental illness, the advances made in the last hundred years have been far more significant than the space program, nuclear fission, or even The Wire, for so many fortunate people. Rob Delaney spacepeopleyears It's hard for me to get embarrassed, but the things that do embarrass me would be if anybody ever heard my wife and I talking in our robust, made-up language. Rob Delaney wifewould-betalking On stage, I'm me. I'm a husband, I'm a dad, I'm a guy, I'm a mess - but I am a cohesive thing that you recognize as one human entity saying these things that he generally believes. Rob Delaney dadhusbandbelieve I don't think of marriage as the drudge work that a lot of sitcoms and movies might have shown it to be, I think it's more deadly murderous rage, unadulterated passion, soul-crushing purgatorial dread... It's more interesting. Rob Delaney crushpassionthinking I was an extroverted kid and performed, like, acting and singing. Then, the older I got, I realized I enjoyed performing things that I came up with myself more and I enjoyed making people laugh more than making people cry or think. Rob Delaney laughingkidsthinking I want people to feel good about themselves. Rob Delaney feel-goodwantpeople It makes me sad that corporations and media and Hollywood conspire to make people feel terrible about their bodies from the second they wake up ,so I sort of try to subversively undercut that. Rob Delaney mediatryingpeople
