Over-thinking in your brain is anathema to the process of thinking on your feet. Conan O'Brien More Quotes by Conan O'Brien More Quotes From Conan O'Brien Hillary Clinton is not the first woman to run for president. That title belongs to Victoria Woodhull, who ran for president in 1872. Her running mate was a young, scrappy John McCain. Conan O'Brien titlespresidentrunning North Korea is creating its own time zone. It's going to push the country's time back a half hour. So it's not bad enough that they don't have food and they're ruled by an insane dictator. Now they have to wait until 8:00 to watch 'Wheel of Fortune.' Conan O'Brien time-zoneskoreacountry A new report says that last year Colorado collected $44 million in marijuana taxes. Unfortunately, they can't remember where they put it. Conan O'Brien coloradomarijuanayears I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too. Conan O'Brien motivationalinspirationalfunny I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Conan O'Brien qualitycynicismhate Pope Francis announced that next year he is coming to the United States, or as Fox News is reporting it, 'Obama lets in yet another guy from South America.' Conan O'Brien guyamericayears The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help, but he's pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army. Conan O'Brien armygovernmentwar It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention. Conan O'Brien uniqueattitudepositive Yesterday Michael Phelps set an all-time Olympic record for most medals. Phelps has so much gold on his chest he's been asked to join the cast of 'Jersey Shore.' Conan O'Brien london-olympicsyesterdayfunny Nietzsche famously said "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." But what he failed to stress is that it almost kills you. Conan O'Brien strongerstresssaid Scientists say the European space probe that landed on the comet has detected organic matter. This means there could be either life in space or a Whole Foods. We just don't know. Conan O'Brien spacemattermean The drug lord is on the run. His name is El Chapo. Donald Trump is in a Twitter feud with this Mexican drug lord. It's historic - the first time Americans have ever sided with a Mexican drug lord. Conan O'Brien mexicannamesrunning In the press this week, NBC has been calling me every name in the book. In fact, they think I'm such an idiot they now want me to run the network. Conan O'Brien runningbookthinking Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!' Conan O'Brien religiousfunnyjesus Donald Trump called George W. Bush 'the worst president in the history of the United States.' Then he added, 'Until, of course, I'm elected.' Conan O'Brien trumpunited-statespresident Russia has named Vladimir Putin its man of the year for the 15th year in a row. Putin got 143 million votes and the guy he was up against got killed in a mysterious boating accident. The boat was in a warehouse. Conan O'Brien russiamenyears Donald Trump has come out in favor of shutting down Planned Parenthood. However, experts say, if he really wants Planned Parenthood to go under he should turn it into a Trump property. Conan O'Brien shutting-downfavorsexperts In Sarah Palin's new book, she says when she first laid eyes on her future husband, she said out loud, 'Thank you, God,' which is the same thing the Democrats said when they first laid eyes on Sarah Palin. Conan O'Brien husbandeyebook St.Patrick's Day is named for St. Patrick, the first guy to feed Guinness to a snake. Conan O'Brien snakesguyfirsts Donald Trump insisted yesterday that he is not racist, because one time an African-American won Apprentice. Because nothing says 'not racist' like making a black man run your errands. Conan O'Brien yesterdayrunningmen
