Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR per G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE Mark Twain More Quotes by Mark Twain More Quotes From Mark Twain It is not worth while to strain one's self to tell the truth to people who habitually discount everything you tell them, whether it is true or isn't. Mark Twain truth self people Deep down in me I knowed it was a lie, and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie - I found that out. Mark Twain prayer spiritual lying What marriage is to morality, a properly conducted licensed liquor traffic is to sobriety. Mark Twain liquor sobriety morality We wish to learn all the curious, outlandish ways of all the different countries, so that we can "show off" and astonish people when we get home. We wish to excite the envy of our untraveled friends with our strange foreign fashions which we can't shake off. Mark Twain fashion country travel There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; 2, to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him to let you read the manuscript of his forthcoming book. No. 1 admits you to his respect; No. 2 admits you to his admiration; No. 3 carries you clear into his heart. Mark Twain three heart book Why is it that, among men, physical courage is a trait so plenteous yet moral courage is a trait so rare? Mark Twain traits moral men It was a splendid population - for all the slow, sleepy, sluggish-brained sloths stayed at home - you never find that sort of people among pioneers - you cannot build pioneers out of that sort of material. It was that population that gave to California a name for getting up astounding enterprises and rushing them through with a magnificent dash and daring and a recklessness of cost or consequences, which she bears unto this day - and when she projects a new surprise the grave world smiles as usual and says, "Well, that is California all over. Mark Twain california names home The exquisitely bad is as satisfying to the soul as the exquisitely good. Only the mediocre is unendurable. Mark Twain unendurable mediocre soul I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself. Mark Twain giving-up children way But it was ever thus, all through my life: whenever I have diverged from custom and principle and uttered a truth, the rule has been that the hearer hadn't strength of mind enough to believe it. Mark Twain truth mind believe The most difficult We do not deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves. Mark Twain self-respect self-esteem facts Our Congresses consist of Christians. In their private life they are true to every obligation of honor; yet in every session they violate them all, and do it without shame. Because honor to party is above honor to themselves. Mark Twain party religious christian Honest poverty is a gem that even a king might be proud to call his own - but I wish to sell out Mark Twain proud kings wish I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces. Mark Twain religious christian funny Perfect grammar - persistent, continuous, sustained - is the fourth dimension, so to speak; many have sought it, but none has found it. Mark Twain dimensions speak perfect Experience teaches us only one thing at a time - and hardly that, in my case. Mark Twain one-thing-at-a-time teach cases You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks - in a word, that they are a dream, and you the maker of it. The dream-marks are all present; you should have recognized them earlier. Mark Twain should-have dream silly You can't reason someone out of something that they weren't reasoned into in the first place. Mark Twain reason firsts My mind changes often ... People who have no mind can easily be steadfast and firm, but when a man is loaded down to the guards with it, as I am, every heavy sea of foreboding or inclination, maybe of indolence, shifts the cargo. Mark Twain sea men people The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of ungraceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying. Mark Twain perfection beautiful lying
