Rappers should be forced to rhyme in their acceptance speeches. Doug Benson More Quotes by Doug Benson More Quotes From Doug Benson Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you. Doug Benson experience figures scary The genius' behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we'll probably forget that it's number six. Or Rocky Balboa can't count past five. Doug Benson genius numbers past In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.' Doug Benson waiting weather funny I like Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory because some children deserve to be taken to a chocolate factory and tortured. I like Dawn of the dead because you don't normally get to kill all of the zombies hanging out at the mall. Doug Benson chocolate taken children Willem Dafoe is a shithead. Doug Benson shitheads Any comedic entertainment is better when you get high. Doug Benson getting-high comedic entertainment If someone wants to make a joke about me smoking too much pot, I'm not going to get mad at them, because I've put it out there that that's what I do. Doug Benson mad smoking want The thing is girls will always say you're lying when you say you had sex with them when you're lying about having sex with them. Doug Benson girl lying sex [Deadpool] is definitely squirm-inducing. It's a pretty hard R, violence-wise. But cartoony, also. Maybe fast-forward through to torture scenes. Doug Benson violence scene wise The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing. Doug Benson up-early great-things sunday We don't want any pot-smoking vaginas because that's disgusting. And I saw it once in Indonesia, and I've never been able to get it out of my head. Doug Benson able smoking want The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue with me, because I've grown to hate drunks so much, and like potheads. Doug Benson issues alcohol hate The motion picture Deadpool was my favorite funny movie of [2016]. Something that I could just watch over and over again, because it's just so... he says so many things. Doug Benson motion-pictures my-favorite watches Society has definitely gotten to the point where everybody has to comment on anything, and if you want to stay sane as a performer, you're better off not reading that stuff. Doug Benson reading want stuff You can't always be 100-percent positive that a joke will work, so you've just got to try it. Fortunately, if one new joke doesn't work, I've got lots of old ones that do. Just like cops, it's important to have backup. Doug Benson cop important trying I used to make love to Green Day's music. But 9 minutes? I'm not Superman. Doug Benson green making-love used I've always enjoyed things that are popular,I mean, obviously, there are plenty of things that are popular that I hate. But when something like that is done right, I just think they nail it. I just think Modern Family is a really clever show. Doug Benson hate clever mean In terms of my lungs, pot smoking is not like cigarette smoking. It doesn't affect the lungs as quickly, or as much over time. If I stopped pot smoking today, my lungs could heal probably 100 percent in a few years. Doug Benson smoking today years I know there's a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it. Doug Benson cases nasty feelings I'm not trying to recruit anyone. I think minds can be changed, but I also think they don't have to be changed. If someone doesn't want to smoke pot and doesn't think it should be legal, then that's fine, but the numbers that do are going to continue to grow to the point where change will eventually occur. Doug Benson mind numbers thinking
