Read (this book), smile, enjoy, and if you happen to learn someth... by Victor Borge

Read (this book), smile, enjoy, and if you happen to learn something along the way, don't get upset.

Victor Borge

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I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?

factory-workers eggs music

I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one... by Victor Borge

I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.

pieces knows two

When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza . . . I hate Liebestraum.

hate boys father

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible? and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.

family sarcastic funny

Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics. by Victor Borge

Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.

music war funny

(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded? by Victor Borge

(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?

responding audience

If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter,... by Victor Borge

If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward.

laughter joy happiness

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

opera piano shapes

Flint must be an extremely wealthy town: I see that each of you b... by Victor Borge

Flint must be an extremely wealthy town: I see that each of you bought two or three seats.

musical three two

Many people have asked me why there are three pedals in these grand pianos. Well the pedal in the middle is there to separate the two other pedals.

piano two people

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. by Victor Borge

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

sarcastic witty funny

When an opera star sings her head off? she usually improves her a... by Victor Borge

When an opera star sings her head off? she usually improves her appearance.

music sarcastic funny

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.

dad mother father

It (the double-clarinet in India) was primarily used for snake charming, since the snake would do almost anything to get the Indians to stop playing it.

snakes music humorous

That's why I've never thought of retiring because I do it all the time whether on the stage or off. I found that in a precarious situation, a smile is the shortest distance between people. When one needs to reach out for sympathy or a link with people, what better way is there?

distance people needs

The elephant smoked too much.(explaining why the keys of his pian... by Victor Borge

The elephant smoked too much.(explaining why the keys of his piano were so yellow)

piano elephants keys

There are three Bachs. Johann, Sebastian and Offen. by Victor Borge

There are three Bachs. Johann, Sebastian and Offen.

The first piano was built long after they didn't have any at all. by Victor Borge

The first piano was built long after they didn't have any at all.

piano long firsts

I learned to play the piano on my mother's knee - that was before... by Victor Borge

I learned to play the piano on my mother's knee - that was before we got a piano.

piano mother play

The oboe sounds like a clarinet with a cold. by Victor Borge

The oboe sounds like a clarinet with a cold.

oboes cold sound