Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change. Sam Kinison More Quotes by Sam Kinison More Quotes From Sam Kinison I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. Sam Kinison wedding-anniversary marriage years I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet. Sam Kinison cost three funny There's always 30 or 40 Christians standing around, saying, "It's a shame that he has to die." And Jesus is saying, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if somebody would get a ladder and pair of pliers!!" Sam Kinison pliers christian jesus The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG! Sam Kinison pussy space moon I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life. Sam Kinison views missing two Every generation has someone who steps outside the norm and offers a voice for the unspeakable attitudes of that time. I represent everything that's supposed to be wrong, everything that's forbidden. Sam Kinison generations voice attitude I look for women I know are gonna bust me up good. Come on, man, who can resist that? Who can resist that emotional pain? Yeah, they all have the same line, they're so sweet: I'm not gonna hurt you like all the others. Really I'm not. I'm gonna introduce you to a whole new level of pain! Sam Kinison pain hurt sweet It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!! Sam Kinison people world moving If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows. Sam Kinison funny-marriage guy want How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love? Sam Kinison finding-love guy doe Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth. Sam Kinison role-models youth roles Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row. Sam Kinison seventeen folks Rock Against Drugs, what a name. Somebody was high when they came up with that title. It's like Christians Against Christ. Rock created drugs. Sam Kinison rocks christian names Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid. Sam Kinison tough able faces Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee. Sam Kinison alphabet creative remember So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there. Sam Kinison party people moving Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad. Sam Kinison justified mad rage You gotta keep falling in love. You gotta believe in it. What are you going to do... give sheep the vote? Sam Kinison falling-in-love love-you believe With any other celebrity, people come up and say, 'Hey, I really like your work.' But with my fans, when they see me, they don't even say hello. They just go, 'AWWWWWGHGHHHGHGHRRR!' Sam Kinison hey fans people There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out. Sam Kinison jail running funny
