Remember, guns don't kill people - unless you practice real hard. Bill Maher More Quotes by Bill Maher More Quotes From Bill Maher Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. Bill Maher funny-lovelove-yourelationship The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They're supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority. Bill Maher machinesgenerationsrage I feel like I'm wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected. Bill Maher orthopedicsshoesfeels You can always tell when Obama's negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he's missing his watch and his lunch money. Bill Maher lunchmissingwatches The Founding Fathers were more deists. If you had to categorize them as anything. There was some sort of moving prime force. But it's an impersonal force. Some people call it Nature. Certainly not this personal god who you have a personal relationship with, who listens to your prayers and answers them, or doesn't. You know, not the silly stuff that most Americans believe because we're such a dumb nation. Bill Maher prayerbelievefather Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got? Bill Maher fatsinternetfunny The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you'll wind up with a lover. Bill Maher windmenideas Have you ever met a war you didn't love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in? Bill Maher metswar The plain fact is religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge in having key deciscions made by religious people. By irrationalists. By those who would steer the ship of state, not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken. Bill Maher keysreadingreligious But I've often said that if I had – I have two dogs – if I had two retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet the dogs, which are pretty much the same thing. What? They're sweet. They're loving. They're kind, but they don't mentally advance at all. Dogs are like retarded children. Bill Maher dogsweetchildren Stop saying athletes do it for the love of the game. They do it for the love of their 32-room mansion with the live shark tank in the living room. If pro sports paid minimum wage, Shaquille O'Neal would be a bouncer at Scores, and Anna Kournikova would be a mail-order bride from Minsk. Bill Maher athleteinspirationalsports The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people. Bill Maher axesamericapeople The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live. Bill Maher atheismfactsreligion There's a phrase we live by in America: "In God We Trust". It's right there where Jesus would want it: on our money. Bill Maher atheistfunnyjesus If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in. Bill Maher gaymouthsstuff The president had a press conference about this this week and he said that the U.S. has no plans to attack North Korea. And then he added, 'Like having no plan ever stopped me before.'. He has something even more deadly in store for them - we're going to bring them democracy. Bill Maher koreademocracypresident Down in Texas, Rick Perry announced he will not run for reelection. He said 'I executed one last woman, that fertilizer plant exploded, I returned abortions to back alleys where it belongs, my work here is done.' I think that's what he said, he was chewing a crayon. Bill Maher back-alleysrunningthinking Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It's kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald's and not eat the fries on the way home. Bill Maher mcdonaldsgovernmenthome Funny that all of Nixon's crimes - anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars - are all legal now. Discuss. Bill Maher usalawwar In ten Muslim countries you can get the death penalty just for being gay. If they were chopping the heads off of gay people in the Vatican, wouldn't there be a greater outcry among liberals? Bill Maher gaycountrypeople
