Self-pity shortens your life. Joan Rivers More Quotes by Joan Rivers More Quotes From Joan Rivers Better laid than never. Joan Rivers humorous funny sex I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them. Joan Rivers funny lying sex I was my own buddy in camp. Joan Rivers camps buddy my-own Never buy a fur from a vegetarian. Joan Rivers fur common-sense vegetarian Happiness, at my age, is breathing Joan Rivers breathing inspiration age I could stop and live carefully but that's ridiculous. I don't want to live carefully. Joan Rivers ridiculous want meaningful Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months. Joan Rivers addiction laughing night The last time I appeared in Las Vegas, they were wearing hoop skirts and Davy Crockett hats, ... But they say 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.' And as far as fashion is concerned, that's a good thing. Joan Rivers vegas fashion lasts I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven. Joan Rivers classical-music thinking There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention. Joan Rivers rotten depressing attention I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth. Joan Rivers adore done new-york Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome. Joan Rivers mountain overcoming age I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage. Joan Rivers memorable years needs She's so hairy - when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit. Joan Rivers hillarious armpits arms I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry. Joan Rivers hillarious jewelry sometimes All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window. Joan Rivers glasses baby looks If I found Yoko Ono floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog. Joan Rivers insult floating dog Your proudest moment is to watch your egg not just function, but to achieve on her own. Joan Rivers parenting motherhood eggs I hate reality shows that are not reality. Joan Rivers hate shows reality I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning. Joan Rivers fey looks thinking
