Shouldn't every day be Earth Day? I mean, what are our options? Jimmy Fallon More Quotes by Jimmy Fallon More Quotes From Jimmy Fallon The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. Jimmy Fallon humorouswittyfunny A girl in New York whose parents were on Wife Swap is suing the show for 100-million dollars for making her look like a spoiled brat. Note to girl: guess what else makes you look like a spoiled brat? Being 15 and suing for a hundred million dollars. Jimmy Fallon wifegirlnew-york Earlier this week Donald Trump gave an interview with CNN at a winery he owns in Virginia. It turns out Trump's winery makes two different kinds of wine: white wine and not-white wine. Jimmy Fallon virginiawinetwo A new study found that women think men holding a guitar are more attractive, even if they are not playing it. In a related story, guys with an accordion will die alone. Jimmy Fallon guitarmenthinking Got Bin Laden AND interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win for Obama all around. Jimmy Fallon apprenticebin-ladenwinning The U.S. government is selling $30 billion worth of fighter jets to Saudi Arabia. Yeah, it's part of a new initiative called, 'Operation Regret This In Five Years.' Jimmy Fallon regretgovernmentyears Newt Gingrich plans to announce his campaign for president this Wednesday. I don’t know about his chances. I mean, I’m not saying Gingrich peaked in the ‘90s, but his campaign is being sponsored by Tamagotchis and Crystal Pepsi. Jimmy Fallon pepsipresidentmean Researchers in Canada say they have discovered the part of the brain that is used to make decisions, and this is weird: If you're married, it's actually located in your wife's brain. Jimmy Fallon marriagewifedecision We picked the Red Sox because they lose. If you root for something that loses for 86 years, you're a pretty good fan. You don't have to win everything to be a fan of something. Jimmy Fallon rootswinningyears If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice. Jimmy Fallon girlfriendteamsports New York Mayor Bill de Blasio has been positioning himself to challenge Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination. Hillary once developed a program to deliver rural healthcare, while de Blasio once dropped a groundhog on its head. Jimmy Fallon nominationsnew-yorkchallenges Over the weekend it came out that the U.S. has been listening in on German Chancellor Angela Merkel's cellphone since 2002. At this point, I feel like the only world leader our government DOESN'T listen to is President Obama. Jimmy Fallon weekendgovernmentleader Donald Trump's not backing down. Yesterday he said he doesn't need to be lectured by the other Republican candidates, who he says have no business running for president. Not to be confused with Donald Trump, who ran for president and now has no business. Jimmy Fallon confusedyesterdayrunning In celebration of Mother's Day yesterday, President Obama called three moms who had written him letters. Then kids who made their mom a macaroni necklace said, 'Thanks, Obama.' Jimmy Fallon mommotherkids This weekend the Conservative Political Action Conference, CPAC, featured several speakers including Sarah Palin and Phil Robertson from 'Duck Dynasty.' It was a good weekend for conservatives - and a great weekend for wild animals. Jimmy Fallon weekendducksanimal Apple is apparently building a large solar energy farm in North Carolina. And if there's any justice, the minute they're done building it, God will introduce a newer, smaller sun that's not compatible with their machinery. Jimmy Fallon applesjusticefunny They're making a movie about Barack and Michelle Obama's first date, called 'Southside With You,' and the producers say they've already cast someone to play young Barack Obama. Now, I'm not saying the president has aged a lot but that young actor is Morgan Freeman. Jimmy Fallon presidentplayfirsts I can't believe there are so many people who aren't us. Jimmy Fallon i-canbelievepeople Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: We think we're important enough to charge money for our garbage. Jimmy Fallon importantperfectthinking New York Governor Andrew Cuomo just signed a bill that bans powdered alcohol from the state. So if you live in New York and you're consuming powdered alcohol, your life just somehow got even worse. Jimmy Fallon billsalcoholnew-york
