Some McDonald's restaurants are taking reservations on Valentine's Day. They are getting a lot of tables for one. Conan O'Brien More Quotes by Conan O'Brien More Quotes From Conan O'Brien In New York the other day, there was a pro-Martha Stewart rally. Only four people showed up ... and three of them were made out of crepe paper! Conan O'Brien three new-york people When reached for comment on the charges, Martha didn't say much, (only) that a subpoena should be served with a nice appetizer. Conan O'Brien subpoenas nice should Representative Chris Lee was forced to resign after sending a shirtless picture of himself to a woman on Craigslist. On the bright side, he DID surprise his wife for Valentines Day. Conan O'Brien valentines-day wife sides Yesterday the IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you're allowed to claim two or more chins as dependents. Conan O'Brien irs yesterday two Herman Cain compared his run for president to Moses leading his people out of Egypt. Cain said it took Moses 40 years to lead his people out of Egypt, but he could do it in 30 minutes or less. Conan O'Brien egypt running years Fidel Castro declared that a robot would do a better job as president than Barack Obama. After hearing this, Mitt Romney thanked Castro for his endorsement. Conan O'Brien robots president jobs NBC announced that during the summer Olympics they will set a new record by airing over 1200 hours of coverage. Which is amazing because that's 10 hours longer than the coverage of Reagan's funeral. Conan O'Brien nbc funeral summer I picked out my Halloween costume. I’m going as 'Slutty Madeleine Albright.' Conan O'Brien madeleines costumes halloween Republicans are already trying to paint Hillary Clinton as too old to be president. In fact, a new ad claims she’s so old that she could be a Republican. Conan O'Brien president trying facts It's been reported that some of Arnold Schwarzenegger's opponents have been circulating naked pictures of Arnold on the Internet. Yeah, in a related story, Arnold is leading the other candidates by four inches. Conan O'Brien opponents naked four Arnold Schwarzenegger is in some trouble. Today, the Los Angeles Times broke a story that quoted six women who claimed that Arnold Schwarzenegger sexually harassed them. When asked about it, President Clinton said 'six? That's not enough experience to be governor.' Conan O'Brien six president today In his apology, Arnold Schwarzenegger said he was sorry to the women that he groped, and he admitted that he had acted badly. Not only that, Arnold then apologized for acting badly in all of his movies. Conan O'Brien apology acting sorry Arnold Schwarzenegger is gonna be the new governor of California. During his acceptance speech Arnold said 'I will not let you down.' Unfortunately, at the time Arnold was holding a woman over his head and looking up her dress. Conan O'Brien california speech acceptance Sarah Palin gave a speech in South Korea. Just what the Koreans needed: Two crazy dictators in fashionable lady's glasses. Conan O'Brien glasses crazy two Herman Cain said he wants people to know that there's more between his ears than pepperoni and pizza sauce. He says there's also a few napkins and crazy bread. Conan O'Brien crazy want people Rick Perry said America's revolutionary war was fought in the 16th century. When told it was actually the 18th century, Perry apologized and said, 'I never said I was a geology major.' Conan O'Brien revolutionary war america Herman Cain has moved ahead of Mitt Romney. Can you believe that? Political analysts say this is because Americans don't understand Mormonism but they do understand pizza. Conan O'Brien mormonism political believe The Enron scandal continues. The U.S. Senate has announced they are going to subpoena Ken Lay and make him testify. Apparently Lay received the subpoena this morning and then, out of habit, immediately shredded it. Conan O'Brien enron-scandal habit morning A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect as many as seven Americans. Conan O'Brien stamps seven court Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer. Conan O'Brien rudolph reindeer santa
