Sometimes, when you get a girl pregnant, you blame the condom. His condom broke that night. J. B. Smoove More Quotes by J. B. Smoove More Quotes From J. B. Smoove When you're on stage performing stand-up, things only happen one time. I've done bits where I improv a joke, and people are dying. The next show, I try to repeat it, I can't do it. Because with the first audience that was our moment. It can't happen the same way again. We were all there: a certain type of people were at that show and we all got it. J. B. Smoove dying trying people My wife and I have been together for 11 years, and seven of those married. We got married on 07/07/07. We support each other 150 percent. We have fun. We are a modern-day Sonny & Cher. I don't sing. My wife sings. We're so different, but so alike. We got that ying and yang thing going on. You see it, but you don't know how it works. J. B. Smoove wife fun years I could never live with you; not 'cause I'm racist or nothing. It's just 'cause as a black man in America, I need to have someone I can come home and complain about white people to. And that just don't work with my white wife. J. B. Smoove home men america I never write jokes, I just try to make myself laugh. J. B. Smoove writing trying laughing I admire Russell Simmons. He is a successful dude that has done a little bit of everything. He keeps it moving, and he's still doing things. Larry David is also amazing. He is honest and blunt. A creative genius. J. B. Smoove creative successful moving Keep it real by being straight forward. Don't pull no punches on people. It's better to tell somebody than just lollygag around, letting them think they're living their life the right way. Because some people don't know what the hell they're doing, they don't know if they're living the right way or making the right decisions. Some people don't know that. J. B. Smoove real people thinking If I had signed my fourth season of SNL, I wouldn't have ever had the opportunity to do Curb Your Enthusiasm. If my buddy OG Pearson wouldn't have passed away, I wouldn't have been in L.A. for his memorial, and I would've never auditioned for Curb. J. B. Smoove memorial enthusiasm opportunity I most resemble Benjamin Button. I evolve. I attach myself to the heartbeat of whatever is going on at that particular time, or I just chart a new path. J. B. Smoove benjamin-button buttons heart There're rules to being the side chick. Rule number one: you're number two. J. B. Smoove sides numbers two In my stand-up, I've always been loose. If there's a curtain onstage, I'll use that in my act. If there's a door, I'll use the door. I always like to use everything at my disposal, which makes each show a little different and a little more fun. J. B. Smoove different doors fun I did a club one night - the speakers were old as hell. My jokes were coming out in black and white. J. B. Smoove clubs black-and-white night I never write jokes, I just try to make myself laugh. J. B. Smoove writing trying laughing I could never live with you; not 'cause I'm racist or nothing. It's just 'cause as a black man in America, I need to have someone I can come home and complain about white people to. And that just don't work with my white wife. J. B. Smoove home men america Let me tell about Tennessee. If your car breaks down in Tennessee, you have just moved to Tennessee. J. B. Smoove breaking-down car tennessee I live in New York right now but I'm originally from my daddy's nuts. We all are. Think about, we the lucky ones - we made it. You all are winners. That's the first race you ever won. J. B. Smoove race new-york thinking I've had jokes stolen a thousand times. But if you can do it better than me, you can have it. I've had jokes stolen from me in the club when I'm next on stage. And my brain will start to turn, and the gears will start turning, and I'll go onstage and create a whole new bit. J. B. Smoove next gears brain You can wait for things to happen for you or you can make things happen for you. J. B. Smoove make-things-happen waiting happens I don't consider myself a stand-up comedian. I consider myself a performer; a comic as opposed to stand-up comedian. Stand-up comedians stand there and do their bits; I break every rule in creation. If there's a rule that can be broken in stand-up, I'll do it. J. B. Smoove comedian creation broken I'm big on facial expressions, and I'm big on mannerisms, which I find to be hilarious. J. B. Smoove facial bigs expression When I started stand-up, the first thing I did was to take an improv class. J. B. Smoove class firsts
