Stand-up comedy is a science. Every comedian is a psychology major, naturally. Eddie Griffin More Quotes by Eddie Griffin More Quotes From Eddie Griffin The war is really about religion. The war's between Jesus and Muhammad. The Christians say Jesus is the messenger. Muslims say Muhammad is the messenger. Who gives a expletive who the messenger is did you get the message? Eddie Griffin christian war jesus Reading is fundamental - fun to mental. Eddie Griffin reading fundamentals fun I believe God wrote the Word in your essence. That's the genius of my Father. You are born knowing right from wrong. You don't need a book to tell you that! Eddie Griffin believe father book You know how we built the pyramids? You gotta ask yourself a question always flip the script. What if up was down and down was up? What if you looked down into space standing up on Earth? This is how we built the pyramids. Eddie Griffin what-if space pyramids There's only three major elements. Air, land, which is your flesh and water, which is your blood. You're walking on a third of yourself. She's called Mother Earth. She gave birth to your ass. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, your maggot food ass going right back to her! Eddie Griffin dust mother air If bribery is good enough for Congress, it's good enough for me. Eddie Griffin bribery congress good-enough One plus one equals three. When a man and woman marry they become one never two. Eddie Griffin three men two I never wrote a joke in my life. I just get on stage and let it flow. Eddie Griffin jokes Add the hippie-rock-drugs atmosphere circa 1970, and you get Clinton's rechristened group Parliament, decked out in weird costumes, singing cosmic lyrics and laying down amazing funk lines - also lines of other kinds. One observer describes Maggot Brain ... one of those guys with super technique that took a lot of acid and just went out from there. Eddie Griffin rocks guy hippie In Europe, kids learn at least four languages before they're out of high school. But our education system is so underfunded, they go to school to buy heroin and an AK-47. Eddie Griffin ak-47 kids school 90? 110? You know. It's a Ferrari, baby - you don't do 50 in a Ferrari. Eddie Griffin ferrari knows baby Actually it broke my heart to hear that we were going to have to part ways, ... It's a business and they had to do what they had to do. Eddie Griffin broke heart way He's been on vacation for a year and month. Captain Kirk never left the helm when the Enterprise was under attack. Eddie Griffin captain-kirk vacation years I remember riding across the Brooklyn Bridge about 12 times because they wanted me to keep up with the helicopter, and I said, "Can you have the helicopter keep up with me, my calves are burning!" Eddie Griffin riding brooklyn-bridge bridges I remember doing one day of work, and I was so good I ended up doing 25 days on that movie. And all of it ended up on the editing room floor. That was my first Hollywood lesson: Just because you filmed a movie doesn't necessarily mean that you're in it. Eddie Griffin one-day editing mean It's definitely a relief that it's over. It's been a long season for us, with ups and downs. But we're going to put it behind us now and we've got to try and be a better team. Eddie Griffin team trying long My favorite date movie is Scarface. There's nothing like taking a woman to see Scarface. It gets the panties off quick. Eddie Griffin my-favorite It was awkward and embarrassing, but you have to go through things, ... I got through it and I'm happy it's over with and I can move forward and start playing. Eddie Griffin embarrassing awkward moving I think some teams shied away because of it, ... But Minnesota stuck with me and I was happy about that. Eddie Griffin minnesota team thinking Makes no matter if I'm performing in a grocery store, you're always gonna get 150%. Eddie Griffin groceries stores matter
