Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can. John Oliver More Quotes by John Oliver More Quotes From John Oliver My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler. John Oliver voicequeenssound You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job. John Oliver jokeswritingjobs People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character. John Oliver cartooncharacterpeople Sarah Palin has been hired back by Fox News, and she only left five months ago. She has now effectively quit quitting. She can't even commit to being uncommitted. John Oliver fox-newsmonthsfoxes I care about facts the way I care about oxygen and imbibing enough water a day to live. John Oliver imbibingoxygenwater Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things are columns upon which humor is built. John Oliver teenagerwindfall By any rational metric, I am boring. John Oliver metricsrationalboring I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love. John Oliver irreverentdeep-lovetone I was definitely prepared for it to be slower, and it has not worked out that way in any shape or form. I'm grateful as a comedian, and slightly demoralized, occasionally, as a human being - those two things are always very different. John Oliver comediangratefultwo I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So please don't; please let me keep it. John Oliver greenmomentscards I don't think I'm identified as the anchorman, I think I'm identified as the impostor anchorman - there's a very clear line there ... I don't think it changes the way they respond. John Oliver anchormanlinesthinking I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me. John Oliver immigrationinterviewslistening Do you know how hard it is to kill 30 million people? It's a logistical nightmare. John Oliver nightmareknow-howpeople I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State. John Oliver sunshinemightthinking It really helps a comedian to be an outsider. John Oliver outsiderscomedianhelping People are friendlier in New York than London. John Oliver londonnew-yorkpeople Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,' John Oliver boredomtwopromise If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum you’ve strangled someone in a bar fight. John Oliver barsfightingnames Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness. John Oliver role-playingwelcomeroles Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.' John Oliver queensfacesgiving
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