The ABC machine comes in and covers Ryan Seacrest a -- and the ‘ American Idol ’ machine comes in and covers Ryan Seacrest a --... I ’m not going to accuse Ryan of something I don’t know of but I ’m also not going to have Ryan Seacrest back. Ryan Seacrest’s fine and would n’t p -- s on me if I was on fire.

Kathy Griffin

Categorized in : Entertainment

I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly.

Kathy Griffin

fashion silly fun

I can criticize your religion all I want, and you can criticize mine. I don't like this whole climate of, 'You can't ever say anything bad about the group I'm in, cause every group is untouchable.' We can all criticize each other and engage in debate all we want.

Kathy Griffin

climate groups say-anything

There's one thing that's really great about waking up early, and it's not jogging or greeting the day - it's just that that's when they make doughnuts.

Kathy Griffin

up-early witty funny

I have no limits, no filter, no class, no poise. No decorum. Just fun.

Kathy Griffin

filters class fun

Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand.

Kathy Griffin

apples names kids

I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.

Kathy Griffin

judging ears listening

I'm on every worst-dressed list imaginable.

Kathy Griffin

worst lists

I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly.

Kathy Griffin

i-regret regret

I have a no-apology policy.

Kathy Griffin

policy apology

I did feel very sexy and desirable. Those prisoners looked at me like no man ever did. I don't care how many people they killed.

Kathy Griffin

sexy men people

Remember, folks, I am a comedian, not a journalist.

Kathy Griffin

folks comedian remember

Do you remember a little phenom called step aerobics? If you do, then you know how crazy it was to take two ninety-minute classes in a row. It’s incredible that I didn’t die from a blunt injury to the back of my head from slipping on my own pool of sweat.

Kathy Griffin

sweat crazy class

I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.

Kathy Griffin

chemotherapy apologizing cancer

That's life when you're on the D-list.

Kathy Griffin

lists

A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.

Kathy Griffin

challenges fame talking

Why would you want to keep the bluebird houses mounted in a place that you now know is unsafe for them? Bluebirds are not ornaments for pictures, they are living things that deserve your best effort if you are going to be a landlord to them. There is no magic spell that will protect those bluebirds--they have to depend on you or they are doomed.

Kathy Griffin

best-effort magic house

I love Mariah Carey. Remember the breakdown? I loved the breakdown.

Kathy Griffin

breakdown remember

I grew up in Chicago and was a huge fan of 'The Second City', so when I moved to L.A., I was looking for anything that resembled that... then I started 'The Groundlings', so I went to a show and it was very much like 'Second City'. I was so impressed that that same night I went backstage and I went up to the funniest person there.

Kathy Griffin

chicago cities night

I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone it's a joke!

Kathy Griffin

apology real mistake

I prefer being known for my stand-up because I write it. I love being an actor, and saying other people's words is great. But then, when I do stand-up, I love getting my own point of view out there.

Kathy Griffin

views writing love-is