The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off! Jeremy Clarkson More Quotes by Jeremy Clarkson More Quotes From Jeremy Clarkson This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory. Jeremy Clarkson carairfun I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. Jeremy Clarkson bedsorrysleep If you go through the pearly gates backwards in a fireball, that's a cool way to die! Jeremy Clarkson gatesbackwardsway Looking good in Italy is even more important than looking where you're going. Jeremy Clarkson looking-goodimportant The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite Jeremy Clarkson top-gearwagonssex No, no, no. There's no such thing as cheap and cheerful. It's cheap and nasty & expensive and cheerful. Jeremy Clarkson cheerfulcarnasty Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill and then run over him again for good measure. They are designed to melt ice caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands and turn the entire third world into a huge uninhabitable desert, all that before they nicked all the oil in the world. Jeremy Clarkson oilislandsrunning Americans are good at herding Bison. The end. Jeremy Clarkson bisonends ...it seemed appropriate that I should develop some kind of illness. This is a good idea when you are at a loose end because everything, up to and including herpes, is better than being bored. Jeremy Clarkson boredkindideas Biathletes need to eat 6.000 calories a day: six thousand! That's the equivalent of 2 pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 TWIX bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete! Jeremy Clarkson barseggsneeds Unlike furious thin-lipped feminists, I tend not to draw distinctions between men and women, apart from in bed where you really do need to spot the difference. Jeremy Clarkson feministdifferencesmen When I was 16, I wanted to look like Lord Byron. It's not really a haircut so much as a hair-not-cut, but I've never changed it. It's a bit Byron, a bit Don Juan DeMarco and other things that I aspire to be. Jeremy Clarkson cuttinghairlooks Ambition is a very dangerous thing because either you achieve it and your life ends prematurely, or you don't, in which case your life is a constant source of disappointment. You must never have ambition. Jeremy Clarkson disappointmentambitionlife-is Sometimes I stagger even myself with my genius. Jeremy Clarkson geniussometimes You have city centre pubs where men go to meet girls, not realising that all girls in city centre pubs have thighs like tug boats and morals that would surprise a zoo animal. Jeremy Clarkson girlanimalzoos Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off. Jeremy Clarkson sufferinginsomnialooks Change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That's a lot of effort in a day. Jeremy Clarkson effortmirrorsjobs Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all! Jeremy Clarkson ferraricartonight Then there’s the biggest problem of them all – the problem of being in an Audi TT when you are not called Angela. I do not know why it can be driven by only people named Angela, but that’s a fact and there’s nothing we can do about it. If you have a TT and you aren’t called Angela, you have the wrong car. Jeremy Clarkson audicarpeople I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time. Jeremy Clarkson top-gearanimalbelieve
