The good news is, the stock market is closed and it can't hurt us again until tomorrow. Jay Leno More Quotes by Jay Leno More Quotes From Jay Leno Saddam Hussein has invited members from the U.S. Congress to visit Iraq. Man how stupid is Hussein? If you think Bush had incentive to bomb Iraq before, imagine if Congress was over there. Jay Leno stupidmenthinking There is a penalty for trying to knock down a cockpit door, but it's the people who try to go from coach to 1st class they really beat up. Jay Leno moneyclassdoors Of course with John McCain out of the race, George W. Bush has to pick a running mate. Which is kind of a scary proposition when you think about it. I mean his dad picked Dan Quayle, an he isn't as smart as his dad. Jay Leno smartdadrunning Yesterday, Saddam Hussein got 100 percent of the vote. Well, that's according to Saddam's campaign manager, Jeb Hussein. Jay Leno campaignshusseinyesterday Oil prices jumped to well over $100 a barrel, and analysts say it's due to tension in the Middle East. So, luckily, it's just a temporary thing. Jay Leno barrelsmiddle-eastoil General Colin Powell shocked a lot of people in Washington by speaking out against President Bush's policies, saying that the world is beginning to doubt the moral basis of our fight against terrorism. That's what I think he said - it was hard to hear him because he was being hustled out of the room to his cell in Guantanamo Bay. Jay Leno cellsfightingthinking As we watched Judge Clarence Jay Leno twobelievelying Rumors have restarted that the Republican ticket will not be Bush-Cheney. But today those rumors were put to rest when Cheney said, 'No, I'm keeping him on the ticket.' Jay Leno rumorticketstoday Paris Hilton got 45 days in jail. A lot of people were upset about this - they were hoping for the death penalty. Jay Leno parisjailpeople The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree...and think 25 to life would be appropriate. Jay Leno would-begivingthinking President-elect Barack Obama is starting to get an idea of just how hard his new job is going to be. Today, he said he wanted to bring a sense of accountability to Washington. I think they realized actual accountability, never going to happen. Jay Leno jobsideasthinking You know what is interesting, Condit is very conservative. He voted to post the ten commandments in schools. Yet, he himself broke the 11th commandment, 'Thou shall not put thy rod in thy staff.' Jay Leno conservativeinterestingschool Yesterday Gary Condit spent the whole day attending an agricultural meeting. Boy, that's when you know a congressman's in real trouble: when he spends the whole day actually working. Jay Leno realyesterdayboys That must be strange, cheating on your wife with a flight attendant. They're in bed and she's says, 'In the event that wife should come home early please notice the location of the nearest emergency exit.' Jay Leno wifehomecheating You know, it shows how old I am. I can remember the good old days when the president picked the Supreme Court justices instead of the other way around. Jay Leno presidentjusticeway It's cold out. It's even cold in Florida. So cold today that Katherine Harris put on a third layer of makeup. Jay Leno layersfloridamakeup Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in this town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of white powder. Jay Leno californiawhitefunny Congratulations to Mexico. They upset Brazil to win a gold medal in men's soccer. And after the Olympics ended, the Mexican soccer team, of course, returned home to their houses here in Los Angeles. Jay Leno teamsoccerfunny Usain Bolt won the gold for the men's 100- and 200-meter dashes for the second Olympics in a row. You know, he has been running since he was in elementary school - kind of like Mitt Romney. Jay Leno runningfunnyschool Is it me or is President Bush's life starting to sound like a country song. He's from Texas, his dog just died, and it looks like he might lose his job. Next thing, his truck is going to break down. Jay Leno dogsongcountry
