The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. Dave Barry More Quotes by Dave Barry More Quotes From Dave Barry Stache’s attack was perfectly timed, thanks to his veteran-pirate grasp tactics—and a big piece if luck. Dave Barry piratepiecesluck First, a few words about this title. It isn't easy, coming up with book titles. A lot of the really good ones are taken. Thin Thighs in 30 Days, for example. Also The Bible. Dave Barry takenfunnybook Someone was tapping on the window. Dave Barry tappingwindow If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, why, then, Peter would declare himself eleven. Also, he could spit the farthest. That made him the undisputed leader. Dave Barry leaderhomeboys All these people helped make this book possible. But let me make one thing clear: If there are any errors or omissions in this book, these people are not responsible. In the end, there is only one person responsible for what I write, and that person, of course, is: Donald Trump. Dave Barry readingfunnybook American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room without having little pictures on the doors. Dave Barry honestybusinessmen The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment. Dave Barry entertainmentpoliticsgovernment Today's toys contain computer chips, so they can move and talk; this stimulates the mind of your child. Notice I say "your child." MY child just wants to eat the toys. Dave Barry babyfunnychildren My point here, young couples, is that baby-having is extremely serious business, and you probably don't have the vaguest idea what you're doing, as is evidenced by the fact that you're reading a very sloppy and poorly researched book. Dave Barry couplebabyfunny Infiniti ads are part of an exciting new trend called "Advertising Whose Sole Purpose Is to Irritate You." Dave Barry trendshumorouspurpose How can you be afraid of women?” “Those ain’t normal women. Dave Barry normal Shawn's (Shawn Weatherly - former beauty queen) acting ability is such that she could not convey the concept of falling if your pushed her off a cliff. Dave Barry queenshumorousfall No man had ever knocked little Richard down. But of course Ammm was not a man. Dave Barry courseslittlesmen She wanted to cry, but she did not want Peter to see her cry, and she especially did not want Teacher, with her flowing hair, to see her cry. Dave Barry wanthairteacher You might have mentioned this to me Molly,” said Leonard. “The fact that there are hostile natives on the island.” “I forgot,” said Molly. “You forgot?” said Leonard. “There’s been a lot happening,” said Molly. Dave Barry islandsmightfacts My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. Dave Barry funny-christmaswifegiving maybe somebody finally shot the dog. Dave Barry shotsdog If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry. Dave Barry toadsplightcute I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. Dave Barry carecaringliterature It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin. Dave Barry eggscellsbaby
