The name is Schitt," he replied. "Jack Schitt. by Jasper Fforde

The name is Schitt," he replied. "Jack Schitt.

Jasper Fforde

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Books may look like nothing more than words on a page, but they are actually an infinitely complex imaginotransference technology that translates odd, inky squiggles into pictures inside your head.

technology book looks

If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction-and ultimately, without a major resolution.

Failure concentrates the mind wonderfully. If you don't make mistakes, you're not trying hard enough.

mind mistake trying

After all, reading is arguably a far more creative and imaginative process than writing; when the reader creates emotion in their head, or the colors of the sky during the setting sun, or the smell of a warm summer's breeze on their face, they should reserve as much praise for themselves as they do for the writer - perhaps more.

reading healing summer

If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. by Jasper Fforde

If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher.

real book world

She wasn't the only one to be physically morphed by reader expectation. Miss Havisham was now elderly whether she liked it or not, and Sherlock Holmes wore a deerstalker and smoked a ridiculously large pipe. The problem wasn't just confined to the classics. Harry Potter was seriously pissed off that he'd have to spend the rest of life looking like Daniel Radcliffe.

rest-of-life elderly expectations

Ill-fitting grammar are like ill-fitting shoes. You can get used to it for a bit, but then one day your toes fall off and you can't walk to the bathroom.

shoes one-day fall

Governments and fashions come and go but Jane Eyre is for all tim... by Jasper Fforde

Governments and fashions come and go but Jane Eyre is for all time.

all-time fashion government

If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gough, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong.

passion hate art

Cats aren't really friendly, they're just cozying up to the dominant life-form as a hedge against extinction.

extinction cat friendly

Almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. by Jasper Fforde

Almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon.

Love and magic are like oil and water--they just don't mix. by Jasper Fforde

Love and magic are like oil and water--they just don't mix.

oil-and-water oil water

For every expert there is an equal and opposite expert. by Jasper Fforde

For every expert there is an equal and opposite expert.

experts opposites science

If only life were that simple; if one could jump to the good part... by Jasper Fforde

If only life were that simple; if one could jump to the good parts and flick through the bad.

Humans like stories. Humans need stories. Stories are good. Stories work. Story clarifies and captures the essence of the human spirit. Story, in all its forms—of life, of love, of knowledge—has traced the upward surge of mankind. And story, you mark my words, will be with the last human to draw breath.

essence stories needs

Religion isn't the cause of wars, it's the excuse. by Jasper Fforde

Religion isn't the cause of wars, it's the excuse.

excuse causes war

Acceptable rules of conduct were suspended when it came to the spoon shortage. The deficit had gotten so bad that prices were all but unaffordable, and dynastic spoon succession had become a matter of considerable interest. Spoons were even postcode engraved and carried on one's person to eliminate theft, and good table manners, one of the eight pillars upon which the Collective was built, had been relaxed to allow tea to be stirred - shockingly - with the handle of a fork.

pillars eight tea

Don't let anyone tell you the future is already written. The best any prophet can do is to give you the most likely version of future events. It is up to us to accept the future for what it is, or change it. It is easy to go with the flow; it takes a person of singular courage to go against it.

events flow giving

the best lies to tell are the ones people want to believe by Jasper Fforde

the best lies to tell are the ones people want to believe

believe lying people

Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.

tea time firsts