The only way you can ever accuse a Conservative of hypocrisy is if they walk past a homeless person without kicking him in the face. Jeremy Hardy More Quotes by Jeremy Hardy More Quotes From Jeremy Hardy Marriage is like the witness protection programme: you get all new clothes, you live in the suburbs, and you're not allowed to see your friends anymore. Jeremy Hardy protectionclotheswitness My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her You're eleven, make your own! Jeremy Hardy elevenpairsdaughter All socialists have bad backs because we slouch - except when we're watching the news when we sit on the edge of our seats, shout, and wave our arms. Generally we sit hunched, arms crossed in a judgemental way, the whole of our bodies pulled into a frown. Jeremy Hardy judgementalnewsbody It seems a shallow observation, but... the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same village, you'd blame pollution, wouldn't you? Jeremy Hardy villagemeanpeople The Afghan War has clearly reached a stage similar to that moment at your child's party where you realise you've forgotten to give the other parents a pick up time. Jeremy Hardy partywarchildren Most harm is done by people who are awake. Jeremy Hardy harmdonepeople If you just took everyone in the BNP and everyone who votes for them and shot them in the back of the head, there would be a brighter future for us all. Jeremy Hardy shotsvotewould-be You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War. Jeremy Hardy motherwarfather Capitalism is a great idea in theory, but in practice it just doesn't work. Jeremy Hardy theorypracticeideas Why don't people just accept that life is sad and cheer up? After all, it's not going to last for ever. Jeremy Hardy lastscheerpeople Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs. Jeremy Hardy northern-irelandbritainphotograph The need to compile lists is a personality disorder, as is the need to assert the superiority of some things over other things. Jeremy Hardy listspersonalityneeds I'm in the intriguing position of being a friend of Jeremy Corbyn and knowing him personally. It's quite a strange position to know somebody that's in the news and know the person who they're talking about and taking pictures of. Jeremy Hardy picturesfriendknownews The thing that interests me most about family history is the gap between the things we think we know about our families and the realities. Jeremy Hardy thinkmefamilyhistory My idea of family is not dominated by blood ties. Families are fragile things, and I think it is social pressure and emotional attachments that keep them together. Jeremy Hardy thinkfamilypressuretogether I think ageing suits me because I was born old, like Spencer Tracy or Dolly the Sheep. Jeremy Hardy thinkmesuitsborn The image of my face I hold in my mind is always about 10 years out of date. Jeremy Hardy imagefacealwaysmind Being in the latter stages of life means the morning is unkind to the reflection. It takes a few hours for the creases to fall out. By about 4 P.M., I look quite nice. Jeremy Hardy lookreflectionmorninglife My maternal grandmother had what might be described in a school report as a 'lively imagination.' She told us that she was a direct descendant of Sir Christopher Wren. Jeremy Hardy shegrandmotherimaginationschool For me, ancestry is just one thing that connects us to people, and feeling connected to other people is generally a good thing, as long as one kind of connection does not have primacy over all the others. Heredity, race and nationhood are not the best criteria by which to judge our fellow humans. Jeremy Hardy bestgoodmepeople
