The Rapture: The ultimate Republican back-up plan. Jon Stewart More Quotes by Jon Stewart More Quotes From Jon Stewart I like not to be good at anything, so I keep hopping around. Jon Stewart hopping be-good It's funny how everyone hates witch hunts... until they see a witch. Jon Stewart hunts witch hate If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us? Jon Stewart oil hate blessed You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden. Jon Stewart nickels rewards enough I want a sandwich named after me. Jon Stewart sandwiches want fame I have a lot of hostility. Jon Stewart hostility We're going to do a challenge. I'm going to try and download every movie ever made and you are going to try to sign up for Obamacare - and we'll see which happens first. Jon Stewart obamacare challenges trying I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building. Jon Stewart news nice eye It's a wonder our country doesn't implode. Jon Stewart our-country wonder country After going to war against the U.N.'s expressed wishes, the U.S. is now admitting it needs the U.N.'s help. It's the geopolitical equivalent of the 2 a.m. phone call ever parent dreads: 'Mom, I'm not saying I wrecked the car, but I need a ride home.' Jon Stewart mom home war Critics have noted Schwarzenegger's only previous government experience was serving under President Bush senior as Chairman of the Council of Physical Fitness, a largely symbolic office, where Schwarzenegger's only responsibility was doing hundreds of jumping jacks he was going to do anyway. Jon Stewart senior jumping responsibility Poor Al Gore, global warming completely debunked, via the very Internet you invented. Jon Stewart global-warming als politics Sometimes it's hard to face your own...life. Jon Stewart hard faces sometimes The Oscars is the one night of the year when you can see all your favorite stars without having to donate any money to the Democratic Party Jon Stewart party stars night Isn't that what you really want in a jean? The ability to kick people in the face in them? I don't wanna have to go home and change into shorts. Jon Stewart want home people At the end of your life, do you give a concession speech? Jon Stewart speech ends giving I don't think marijuana should be illegal. Jon Stewart marijuana should thinking Much of John Kerry's recent surge has come at the expense of Howard Dean. The situation reflected in his hot new bumper sticker, 'Dated Dean, Married Kerry.' It's cute and a lot more tasteful than the alternative version, 'Dated Dean, Married Kerry, Finger-Banged Kucinich.' Jon Stewart alternatives hot cute Nothing brings closure to a campaign like opening it up again. Jon Stewart closure opening campaigns We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox. Jon Stewart nations foxes together
