The reality is I'm not this person with this driving 'get it done' attitude. Greg Giraldo More Quotes by Greg Giraldo More Quotes From Greg Giraldo Even before the kids are born, you've go to make these decisions. If it's a boy, do we get him circumcised? If it's a girl, do we keep her? Greg Giraldo girlboyskids You think they could stop putting these experts on the news with their doomsday scenarios of how the terrorists might attack us? Because you get the sense they're coming up with ideas that these people haven't thought of themselves. Greg Giraldo peopleideasthinking Little did I know that earning a living at stand-up is the hardest thing you can do. But once I started doing it, I just loved it, and I realized that I was actually kinda good at it, and then that was it. Greg Giraldo hardestlittlesearning We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality. Greg Giraldo lazyprideculture Norm MacDonald is here - one of the funniest people ever. Norm's got a giant gambling problem. He's dropped more coin in a casino than Michael J. Fox at a parking meter. Greg Giraldo parking-metersgamblingpeople A good joke provides tension, and then, release of that tension. You build the tension by saying things that are controversial. The release is the laugh. The bigger the surprise or insight in your joke, the bigger the laugh. Greg Giraldo controversialsurpriselaughing On a day-to-day basis, you get tired of waiting to be accepted. In show business, someone else has to say that you're good or that you're worth going to see or worth taping a show. There's a lot of pain here. There's a lot of pain inside. I'm a sad, crying-on-the-inside kind of clown. Greg Giraldo tiredpainwaiting I've always had real trouble knowing what my actual desires and goals are. I've just been dragged along by fate. Greg Giraldo fateknowingreal It's something like 70% of American adults are obese, and the rest of them are women on Ally McBeal. Greg Giraldo ally-mcbealalliesadults Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start making a fortune pretty early on. And other people - I know guys who are great comics, who've done the Letterman show many times, who still barely pay their bills. Greg Giraldo guitarcollegepeople Some people say Larry the Cable Guy's only successful because he's pandering to the lowest common denominator, blatantly and not ironically exploiting people's racist and homophobic tendencies. Don't listen to these people, Larry. They're just bitter and jealous and right. Greg Giraldo jealoussuccessfulfunny We need more money for schools. We need more money for the kids. Ever think maybe the damn kids aren't worth it? Greg Giraldo kidsschoolthinking There hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank. Greg Giraldo frankjewclosets You got a cop under five feet tall, what if he's gotta plant evidence on a high shelf? What then? What if he's gotta chase a suspect onto a ride at Disneyland? Greg Giraldo copwhat-iffeet There are more whipped guys on television than there were on the Amistad. Greg Giraldo guytelevision Joke stealing is a big deal to me, but I mean, I'm not going to investigate it if it doesn't effect me directly. Greg Giraldo stealingbigsmean All the evidence we need that God is angry with us is Justin Timberlake's career. Greg Giraldo evidencecareersneeds Why do we need another station where everyone has a gun? We already have BET. Greg Giraldo stationsgunneeds Look at Thomas Jefferson. The guy had illegitimate kids in the 1700s, and they caught him last year. If you cheat on your wife and cover it up for 200 years, you're pretty much thinking you're home free. Greg Giraldo homekidsthinking People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop. Greg Giraldo dogdreamcountry
