The really funny thing is that most all of my friends who are priests have seen me perform, and they say, 'I wish I could talk the way you do on stage. I wish I could reveal truth to my congregation the way you do.' Carlos Mencia More Quotes by Carlos Mencia More Quotes From Carlos Mencia I grew up in the projects and I know how important it is for kids to have hope. Carlos Mencia grew-up important kids I'm not white, I don't apologize for what my country did to become great Carlos Mencia apologizing white country When white people eat potato chips, they're called white people. When black people eat potato chips, they're called niggas. Carlos Mencia black white people If you aren't laughing, you aren't living! Carlos Mencia ifs laughing Why are we rebuilding New Orleans? Whose idea was this, Aquaman? Carlos Mencia rebuilding new-orleans ideas What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes. Carlos Mencia sophisticated comedian stupid When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor. Carlos Mencia climax doctors faults If God made Adam and Eve, they had children... wait a minute... that means someone banged their sister! Carlos Mencia waiting mean children Hurricane Katrina was caused by political correctness. I said it! Carlos Mencia hurricanes politics political And for all of you at home, you are all welcome to visit my store. You are also welcome to park off you motherparking parks, and go park yourself. But remember, don't park in a handicapped spot. Carlos Mencia welcome parks home Great soul of Gandhi, cover your ears. You will not want to hear this! Listen, you inbred piece of Ku Klux Krap! You white people love to be racist, but the only races you can tell apart are Indianapolis and Daytona. I hope I am reincarnated as toothpaste, so I never have to see you again. Now take your twelve-pack of wife-beating juice and get the park out of my store! Carlos Mencia race white people We dropped two bombs on Nagasaki and Hiroshima, and the name of the plane that delivered the weapons was the Enola Gay. Do you know why? Because we wanted them to know that they were about to get boned in the ass. Carlos Mencia gay names two In all honesty, we don't know what's in the hearts of other men. All I know is that I respect comedy and I know comedy. I would never, ever, ever take somebody else's joke. Carlos Mencia honesty heart men It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open... I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that restaurant. Carlos Mencia toilets use doors I don't have the time to steal other people's material even if I wanted to. The reason why these rumors got started is that I don't really contest them because I don't believe they deserve contesting. I really don't. Carlos Mencia rumor believe people I am a product... I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh. I make sense out of ridiculous situations, but in the end, it's all about laughter. It's all about your cheek hurting, your stomach hurting. Carlos Mencia cancer laughter hurt Here, let's go to my dressing room, and I promise, I'll only put it in for a second. Carlos Mencia dressings rooms promise That's not news! When a shark comes out of the water, walks into a 7-11, and bites you in the ass, then it's news! Carlos Mencia sharks news water If you ask me right now, you've seen the last of Mind of Mencia. I don't want to be a one-trick pony. I would rather walk away and do more movies, comedy and even some dramatic roles. Carlos Mencia ponies roles mind The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away. Carlos Mencia going-away essence beautiful
